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Hope & Help for the Single Mom (21 Principles of a Healthy Single Mom)

Saturday, January 05, 2019Saturday, January 05, 2019 admin

Laws marked it as to-read Sep 30, Diana is currently reading it Oct 10, Shelley added it Jan 27, Nicole marked it as to-read Mar 21, Stephanie Begay marked it as to-read Dec 29, Cj Obrien added it Apr 06, Terri added it Apr 10, Kellie Demarsh marked it as to-read Apr 11, Marlena marked it as to-read Jun 03, Marlene N marked it as to-read Aug 19, Esor Yram marked it as to-read Nov 05, Candice Matthews marked it as to-read Nov 06, Jennifer Ross Faught marked it as to-read Feb 01, Audra Ritter marked it as to-read May 04, Kristin is currently reading it May 10, Gabriella marked it as to-read Jul 29, Bryanne Griego marked it as to-read Sep 17, Michelle Livingston marked it as to-read Oct 16, G Hdz ferman marked it as to-read Feb 28, Haylea marked it as to-read Mar 18, Amanda O'Coin marked it as to-read Jul 31, Leslie marked it as to-read Aug 07, Noreen Carroll marked it as to-read Oct 21, Calen marked it as to-read Apr 26, Kara Wicks marked it as to-read Jul 27, Dawn Spang is currently reading it Aug 22, Johanna marked it as to-read Nov 13, There are no discussion topics on this book yet.

I am having problems with my hands at the moment or I would be able to write more to you. But I just wanted to say I think God also allowed me to breakdown under abuse too so I could see just how bad things were and why my faulty theology re submission etc kept me in dangerous places rather than thinking to leave.

Hope & Help for the Single Mom: The 21 Principles of a Healthy Single Mom

What you went through is utterly terrible — not just domestic abuse, but also spiritual abuse from the church. Jesus does not look kindly on this kind of thing — not at all. One day, all this will be put right and one wonderful day we will be in heaven with our wonderful saviour — then there will be no more tears. I have gone through counseling and have learned a lot about has happened, but I have never known anyone else who broke down. I DO believe that God needed to do that or I would have never left.

Thank you for writing and thank you for the encouragement. Why does it take SO long to move on from this? I had never broken down mentally prior to abuse, and away from it I am fine apart from PTSD type symptoms. I am so sure God allowed it in my life to get me out. I would have stayed otherwise. You are not abnormal — it is just the terrible outworking of trauma. BTDT, you are certainly not the only one who suffered some kind of mental break down as a result of the abuse.

Anna in the Temple is one, as she has outlined. And I have read of quite a number of others. The human mind-body system is not made of titanium. It is not bullet proof, both physical bullets and blows do damage to it, and psychological assaults do damage too, the moreso the longer that pattern of psychological assault goes on. Science and health professionals now recognise this and there is brain-science research to verify it as well as clinical and anecdotal findings. It seems that not nearly enough health professionals realise yet that domestic abuse is a major cause of psychological injury and this injury is equivalent to or more serious than the psychological trauma suffered by of war veterans and victims of kidnapping and hostage taking.

We hope that health professionals will get more on board with the reality and consequences of domestic abuse as time goes on. In the meantime, know you are not alone, far from it, and that in all likelihood God allowed you to have that breakdown to help you realise that you had to leave that marriage. The refrain to keep repeating: It was not your fault; you were not to blame; you were not crazy; you are not crazy; you were being awfully abused. BTDT, rant as much as you like here. Not only is it good for your healing, it will no doubt ring bells with some other readers and help their healing too.

The longing for vindication — I know what you mean. I am so sorry! I say this because it happened to me. But that only happened years later.

Hope & Help for the Single Mom, Single Mom's Ministry, Bible Study

It was a tiny drop of recognition and vindication. Her hurtful comments at the time of the breakup had been minor offences compared to all the other stuff I was copping as I ran the gauntlet of separation, but her later apology made my eyes well up with tears and I could immediately feel how it made up in many ways for all the missing apologies from others.

I commented a few times on that post, explaining a little bit about my mental health issues during my marriage, when I was being abused by my husband. Things did get even worse for me mentally during a time of very acute abuse. In this comment of mine in that post thread, I gave some links to the Hidden Hurt website which I found very helpful for understanding the potential mental health consequences of abuse.

I will be writing a guest post on this blog which will explain more about how the abuse temporarily affected my mental health, when my hands are better. Yes, that does describe some of what happened at first after the incident and then the separation — but not to the extent that you experienced it.

I by then was living on my own, getting a little of support money from the husband and trying to make it with a not-quite full time job.

An Absence Of Conscience?
Orientierungspraktikum im Gymnasium (German Edition).
Hope & Help for the Single Mom: The 21 Principles of a Healthy Single Mom.
Single Parent Resources;
Les Pompiers - Tome 8 - La ligue des sapeurs-héros (French Edition).
Lori Little’s “Hope and Help for the Single Mom Program” Gives no Hope or Help | A Cry For Justice;
Evaluation of Agricultural Policy Reforms in the United States.

I would work, come home and just stare at the wall while on the couch. No thoughts, no tears, nothing. It helps to have a name for it. I know I lost a LOT of time to it and still, every once in a while, I find myself staring at the wall in an almost shut down state. It took a year for me to try to cook again and I was a good, from scratch, cook for decades before this. It took years for me to be able to do the multi tasking Thanksgiving dinner.

Thanks, Barbara, for saying that the ranting is ok and is good for me. Yes, if one of my children could acknowledge that what they DID see was abusive and, at least, say that they believed me about the behind-the-scenes-late-night abuse it would be helpful. One child DID once tell me that I was admired for having the courage to leave him. I guess that child sees enough to know. Maybe my child can only go so far because of loyalty to the dad. It sounds like the stuff I have been handed or seen on a certain Christian website and its like all the marriage books that would work for normal people but make abuse worse.

When you have well-meaning people give you this stuff it just twists the knife deeper. My ex and I were ordered to take a co-parenting class. Joyce — Some of them, I believe, are well-meaning but naive. Others, especially the celebrity types, are more of the brand that Paul speaks of in Galatians. People are drawn in by the flattery. Right — normal for kids to vomit, soil their pants, hide under covers, scream, cry, harm themselves??

What if the child threatens to kill the abusive parent? Should we not protect their father? It shows how the courts are either morally stupid or probably more likely in covert cahoots with abusers and their well-paid lawyers. It put the victim of abuse on a very expensive and nightmarish merry-go-round. The Lord spoke these 21 principles directly to Lori one night. These are from 21 Bible verses. More important though, Lori has the understanding and commitment gained from thirteen years of single motherhood. There are 21 Principles DVDs and books for small groups and classes.

She tweets that her book was in a pregnancy center. Address the fact that the Lord did not directly speak to Lori and birth this book. This is what passes for Christianity in This is exactly what passes for Christian responses to widows and orphans today. Gee why has this been hidden! Lori was sitting round one night mulling over how she could increase her income and she got the idea that she could market a whole stable of resources for single mums. She was sure she had the expertise and front to pull this off: I would say because God appreciates the custom being that he makes, and not everyone will fit into worldview that others have in mind.

I have to giggle at the normal people deal too. I wonder if the author define that part! Remove the Bible verses and it fits into the secular world. Nothing new here, folks. But this program promises you success and victory! As I said, nothing new. The Lord promised Lori that night if she followed these 21 verses of scripture everything was going to be OK for her as a single mom. Lori spent the next seven years researching those 21 verses inside and out Biblically, along with everything she could find in Christian bookstores that related to that scripture.

She then built a model and plan for herself as a single mom off of each scripture that she lives out faithfully each day. Her son Eric is doing great also! Lori felt the Lord calling her to take everything she learned and develop this 21 Principle program. Lori has to be a success everyday of the rest of her life. She must be victorious. She must always have a smile on her face.

Carmen S your comments You are soooo reading my mind…get out of my head. She lost me at John Maxwell. Lori Little needs a lot more experience before she writes a book like this. Why do single moms need 21 steps? They have 12 steps for everything! Why do we need another 9? I can barely handle God only gives us one step. Walk in the Spirit and you will not fulfill the desire of the flesh. This stuff is not bad…for single moms who have not been involved in abusive relationships. Fortunately, those single moms are not the ones fighting post-separation issues like harassment and alienation of kids.

The ones in trouble, struggling, depressed, anxious and confused are more likely to have escaped a violent relationship. I see parallels with the family court system. Professionals insist that the only way family law will work for abusive separating parents is to place abusive cases in a different category and apply different principles. For example, the presumption of shared parenting goes out the window and consideration is given to the effect of contact with an abusive parent.

Books about marriage must address abusive marriages, or at the very least refer the reader to other resources. Books about divorce must include divorce for abuse and not just physical abuse. Books for single moms must make it clear if the principles are applicable to those divorced from abusive husbands.

This is a great response, Annie, and very clear. The church needs to learn to see that there is a difference as well. If the wife is the abused, then she is not being treated as a fragile vessel, equal before God, to be revered by the children and viewed as an equal in marriage by her husband.

She is not being protected by her husband. So all regular advice is moot.

New rules apply, as you suggest. I would add another. They just get it. Because they have been taught by Christ and they are led by His Spirit. I mean, my wife and I did not come from Christian homes. But we both know the Lord and when it came to our marriage and to raising our kids, we just did it. Oh yeah, we bought some books and we were invited to some seminars and so on, but honestly I cannot remember a single light-bulb moment coming to me from any of that stuff. There is a place, as set out in Scripture, for the older women to teach the younger women how to love their husbands and how to be workers at home, etc.

Men can learn from older, godly men if you can find an. But do Christians need to be taught how to love one another? So the bottom line seems to be there those who are in abusive situations should not be applying principles in these types of books, and those who are not in abusive situations often do not really need or seek out these books.

Hope & Help for the Single Mom: The 21 Principles of a Healthy Single Mom

Hope & Help for the Single Mom, Single Mom's Ministry, Bible Study

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