Its Makeup, Not Rocket Science!

By contrast, authoritative parents combined confident authority with reasoning, fairness, love, and encouragement of age-appropriate self-reliance. At all developmental levels, Baumrind's research and other studies have shown that authoritative parents have the most secure, competent, and morally responsible kids. First, we must take strong stands that are consistent with our values.

For example, do we prohibit TV shows, movies, and video games that contain sex, graphic violence, or foul language; music with profane, lewd, or denigrating lyrics; all forms of pornography; immodest dress; parties where there's drinking; prom overnights? And do we explain to kids the reason for our rules, so they understand they're not arbitrary, but based on our love and concern for their welfare?

Second, we must have a zero tolerance policy for any kind of disrespectful back-talk, paying attention to both tone and content. When kids cross the line into disrespect, they need immediate, sometimes sharp corrective feedback, such as "What is your tone of voice? Third, we must make wise use of all the teachable moments presented by children's transgressions.

Even small things — a mean remark to a sibling, a minor lie, a failure to do an assigned chore — should be taken seriously. Over time, dealing with the small stuff will have a cumulative effect on our child's conscience. If we let little things go, there won't be a foundation for dealing with bigger problems later on. If we don't correct rudeness in a six-year-old, we'll have trouble reigning in swearing and door-slamming by a sixteen-year-old.

Fourth, we should discipline in a way that gets kids to take responsibility for their actions. One way to do that is to make them their own judge and jury: Finally, the wise exercise of parental authority requires vigilant supervision. The research on authoritative parents describes such parents as knowing where their kids are, who they're with, and what they're doing, including their online activity.

These hands-on parents have teens with the lowest rates of sexual activity and drug and alcohol abuse. If you haven't established this kind of authoritative parenting style, you may need to give your child what I call the "obedience speech" ideally when they're little, but it's never too late. In a quiet moment, explain:. There's something very important we want you to understand: God gives us that responsibility.

Kids have the job of obeying their parents — doing what we ask you to do. It's the same in school: A teacher is in charge of the classroom. Kids have to do what the teacher says. So when we ask you to do something — come to dinner, pick up your toys, get ready for bed — you have to obey. You can't say, "No.

If you forget, we'll give you one reminder: And we'd like you to obey cheerfully, without complaining. Obeying cheerfully makes the family a happier place for everybody. The big idea we want to teach our kids is that obedience is a virtue. As David Isaacs points out in his book Character Building , "Children should be encouraged to obey not primarily out of fear — a low-level motive — but out of love, to help their parents. Obedience is the first step toward developing the virtue of generosity.

Teaching by example includes treating our children with love and respect, but it goes well beyond that. One mother describes some of the many things her parents did that are etched in her memory:. Many kids would have trouble answering the question, "What do your parents stand for? Stands like these define your values and model moral courage.

It’s Not Rocket Science

We increase the power of our own example when we expose our children to other positive role models. The Giraffe Heroes Project www. William Kilpatrick's Books That Build Character provides an annotated bibliography of hundreds of fiction and non-fiction books whose admirable characters will live in a young person's imagination. And we should be sure to tap the rich resource provided by the lives of the saints see Mary Reed Newland's excellent book The Saints and Our Children.

If we want to maximize the positive impact of our example, our kids need to know the values and beliefs that lie behind it. We need to practice what we preach, but we also need to preach what we practice. Moral heroes — people who rescued Jews from the Holocaust, for example — have described their parents as both modeling and explicitly teaching high moral standards.

For example, one rescuer said, "My mother always said to do some good for someone at least once a day. We can start by directly teaching everyday manners: Direct teaching includes explaining why some things are right and others wrong. Why is it wrong to be unkind — to call names, bully, or exclude others?

Because you wouldn't want to be treated that way. Because when you do those things, it creates an "inside hurt" for the other person. You can't see it, but it hurts more, and often lasts longer, than an "outside hurt" that you can see. Why is it wrong to lie? Because lying destroys trust, and trust is the basis of any relationship. We should also directly teach the fundamentals of our faith, starting with the three purposes of our lives: We should make a list of other Catholic truths we want to teach our children, for example:.

Conflicts — between parents and kids or kids and each other — are an unavoidable part of family life. They can lead to a build-up of tension, explosions of yelling and screaming, and a residue of anger and alienation. But handled in the right way, conflicts can make a family stronger, teach kids responsibility for helping to create a happy family, and develop listening and problem-solving skills they can use throughout their lives.

In my work with parents, I've encouraged them to have sit-down family meetings weekly, or as needed, to address the issues that cause conflicts. Here's my eight-step recipe for a successful family meeting:. It will take some practice for family meetings to feel natural and go smoothly.

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But stick with it, and you'll reap the rewards. Studies have found that over time, these problem-solving sessions make for more cooperative kids and happier, less stressful households. Research has found that youth who frequently attend religious services and say their faith is important to them exhibit lower levels of sexual activity and drug and alcohol use, and higher levels of altruistic attitudes and behaviors. How can we foster the kind of faith that is not just professed but lived out in everyday life?

One Catholic family had a tradition of a partial fast every Monday night broth for the parents, a piece of fruit for the kids and sending the money saved to Catholic Relief Services.

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A Catholic father found that volunteering with his self-centered fifteen-year-old son at the city's soup kitchen got the son thinking less about the latest stuff he wanted and more about the needs of others. Service gives us a chance to remind our kids of what Jesus said: When we care for his "least ones," we are loving Christ himself.

Catholics who want the faith to take root in their kids make sure they not only get to Mass but also go to Confession. Confession requires us to examine our conscience, tell God we're sorry for our sins, and resolve to do better. We encounter Jesus and experience his forgiveness.

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But why do so many kids raised in families of faith, even those that practice regularly, fall away when they leave home? The late Father Hugh Thwaites said that in his experience, there are three reasons. The first is sin. The second reason is that the young person "never personally grasped the meaning of the faith.

The third reason is linked with the second: The young person did not have a personal prayer life. What food and drink is to the body, prayer is to the soul. How can we help our kids develop the habit of personal prayer? Our beloved Monsignor Minehan, before God took him home, would tell the teens in our parish preparing for Confirmation to give God just two minutes, two quiet minutes, at the start of the day.

Don't fake it, he said. Talk to God as if he's right there — which, of course, he is. What should I do? As Mother Teresa said, "God speaks to us in the silence of our hearts. If kids draw close to God in prayer, they will usually find that God draws close to them. Here's a high school boy:. Before, I didn't even think about God. Slim consider ordering a larger size for a looser fit This premium t-shirt is made of See at Boston Proper. Luxuriously soft with a sexy scoop neck and long s This tee is the linchpin of every collection we de See at Soft Surroundings. We have double the love for this wide V-neck — so Time for More Time.

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And Ishimaru simply cited this book on nuclear reactor theory and moves on with another approach and I was like, wait what was that!?? Having now discovered this world of old yet incredible relevant research, "I wanted more," says d'Eon, "lots more - I wanted it all. And it was a struggle.

Notation and terminology also took a while to get used to. Most of the text books are old and out of date and expensive. But he did, finding for example a book Grosjean published in with complete and exact solutions for all iostropic point source problems in infinite media and, ignoring d'Eon's own citations of it, it had only been cited six times in over 60 years. Literally it is a gold mine and no one knew it even existed. By August this year d'Eon had collected over 4, papers on transport theory!

And thus the role of librarian is an easy position to now see. This work can be directly mapped back to both current research in nuclear physics and work published in the s - and completely unused in CG until now. The work does not stop there. But it is not all a one way street, in our world of CG there is little work that would equate to bi-directional path tracing and the CG concept of multiple importance sampling - so important since the work of Eric Veach he won a Sci-tech for his thesis this year. At least four different groups or fields of science are independently are looking at the same generalization of transport theory that includes the classical exponential form as a special case:.

This image above for example is of "fractal fog" and was done with a modification of the Mitsuba physically based renderer to include non-exponential transport as a first-class citizen of the renderer by computing next-event estimation with a non-beer-lambert attenuation and sampling free path steps using the generalized FPD free path distribution functions.