For to girlfriends healing me to let her husband and her House of Love]

I then told him that he needs to stop lying in order not to trap himself in a lie again. Im trying to move forward, and I also went on dating websites after the whole situation, as much as I didnt want to, but felt the need to please. I told him that I was on those site after couple days because I felt guilty and he said that he understands as Im hurt etc..

What a stressful, hurtful and perplexing situation for you to be in. It is never okay for a partner to cheat in their relationship. You deserve to be in a healthy, loving, committed and respectful relationship. Cheating is a violation of trust and a form of emotional abuse. The constant cheating and arguing suggests that your relationship is an unhealthy and abusive one. Healthy relationships are based on trust and it seems like there is a lack of trust in your relationship. Figuring out how to build trust in a relationship after cheating can be a challenge.

It sounds like your partner has made up a lot of excuses for his repeated decisions to cheat on you. It is not clear if he has stopped cheating and accepted responsibility for his actions. It seems like you are thinking about breaking up with him. Breaking up is a very personal decision and you know your personal circumstances best. I am going to recommend that you take a look at these related blog posts for guidance: Should We Break Up?

If you want to talk in more detail, please get in touch. You can reach us by calling , texting loveis to or chatting online at https: We hope to hear from you soon. I recently found texts my fiancee sent to 2 other women. Thank you so much for reaching out. This sounds like a very emotionally complicated situation and one that might best be addressed by talking with you directly.

Ok, i have been married for 6 years. We have a 5 year old boy. I work offshore 28 days on and 28days off. I recently found texts on my wifes phone and found that she has been sleeping with an old friend of mine for at least 8 months while i was at work. Some of the texts was bad mouthing me, saying she loved him and missed him when i was home. Now that she has been caught, she is so sorry and says she knows she did a stupid thing and wants to prove it to me that she loves and wants to be with me.

I do love her soo much and want my family together. My question is, how do i ever get this out of my head! Its killing me while im at work. Im not home to see what she is doing so how do i ever trust her again? I keep telling myself she is doing this because she knows she could loose her son, and everything else. I desperatly want to forgive and move on to trusting her, but when i talk to her, when i touch her,all i think about is them! Please how do i get this out of my head? The betrayal was too much and they feel that they can never fully trust that person again.

My name is Rachel and I am 18 years old. My boyfriend is We have been together for 3 years, and about 3 different times I have caught him on dating sites with other females talking to them, flirting, and saying how he would like to sleep with them. The last time I found one was about 4 months ago. This leads me to believe that he has been on dating sites for pretty much the whole course of our relationship.

I feel like our relationship means nothing to him sometimes. He is not very affectionate to me anymore and seems only wrapped up in playing video games. I try not to bring it up because it only leads to fights and gets us no where. He had tried to blame the dating site on his friend and a few months later when I found another one he came clean and said it was his, even though I already knew. It sounds like your partner has really hurt you and violated the boundaries of the relationship multiple times.

Only you can decide if you feel like you may choose to give him your trust again at some point. From your description, it sounds like you are generally unhappy in the relationship at this time. Even if you are unhappy in a relationship, breakups can still be really upsetting and feeling the loss of the good parts of the relationship is very real. Deciding whether or not you want to breakup is really hard. Here is an article that has relationship checklists to help you decide whether to stay or go. I encourage you to practice lots of self-care during this stressful time. If you would like to reach out to an advocate about your situation, they can help you go over it and come up with different options.

I cheated on my guy after he broke up with me because i thought all we had was intimacy. He was very serious but den we broke up after 5 months. He left me saying there was no future. But we used to meet and things still were intimate. This happened times. Nd then wen i thought that it was finally over i cheated on him.

And he does love me but is hurt. Says he doesnt want me at all Please help. Because i love this guy. It sounds like, when you say you cheated, you actually thought that the previous relationship had ended; once a relationship has ended, the boundaries that were established during that relationship are no longer fair to apply to yourself or the other person. It sounds like there is a lot going on and like there could be a lot to talk about with a peer advocate—for example, boundaries, trust, mutual respect, and healthy relationship dynamics.

I would definitely encourage you to reach out and chat with one of our peer advocates any time. Understandbly, some people believe that a gay relationship can be different. I need advise as, in my situation, I feel humiliated. Back at the beginning of last year when I asked my partner to be my boyfriend, we were happy. But a few months later, I found rather explicit texts on his phone.

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For me it brought a sense of paranoia into what could happen next. It turns out that though he met this guy, nothing ever happened, but only three months into the relationship, it started to eat away at me. This best friend of his was meant to be moving away to Australia, in a week that all changed.

I can only believe that he himself has triggered my episode. Because of this episode, I became hurtful, I snapped at him, but I always made it clear to him that I loved him and that I would never be unloyal. When I said that I wanted to break up, he suggested a break. I said no at first but warmed to the idea as it could help.

I know that my partner and this guy are in fact best friends, however they slept together, possibly more than once. Is it worth me staying with someone who has the ability to trigger my bipolar episodes to make me look crazy, then cheat and try to humiliate me. Or is it better for me to ask him to cut out the person which caused all the doubt and mistrust in order to build from scratch.

Please help me decide, do I continue with torment. Or do i cut all losses. I love this man…even though I may have punched him for doing what he did. Your situation sounds very complex and may be something that would be best addressed by talking with you directly. I cought my wife cheating on me with a number of men on the internet. She confirmed that she has been contacting men but has not met or been physical with any. I love her very much and want to make it work and am going to see her for the first time today after being away.

I dont want to do the wrong thing and wondered what the best steps are to get back together and be stronger than ever. She does not want to see a councelor so well have to do it ourselves. I am nervous about seeing her now for the first time since she confirmed as we have not spoken only texted? Do we hug and talk? Do I open up? Do I ask her to open up and explain why and what she has done? Do I tell her how I feel?

Should I be asking all these questions or her? I am quite desperate to have her back, should I show this or try and be strong cool and try not to be too emotionnel as I am so greatful to her for not leaving me. I feel she needs a stronger Man and that this could be the base of it all as I am too boring and gentle and maybe I give her too much. We have been together for over 20years and the last 2 months has been wonderfull and I thought we were reconnecting only to find out that it is during these 2 months that she has started these cyber affaires. So I am worried that now that I found her out that she might be very sad and depressed without the other men.

I just want her to be happy like she has been the last 2 months but without the other guys just with me. She does not want to talk about it and wants to put in the past. She says she sorry never ment to hurt me and wants to stay with me. Now I have found out through other means that she most likely has had a physical affaire and is most likely still in touch with them. Everytime I want to speak to her she says she needs time to think and has a nervouse smille on her face.

She is still not showing any emotion or regret she does not seem to care and is asking when I am next leaving the country for work. I explian that she needs to tell me everything as I want to forgive her and then we can move on but she wont even discuss it? She prefers too sleep in a seperate bed and prefers to message me than talk. I want to take her back because I love her so much but shes not letting me in. Shes still texting the guys that I am sure but I want it to come from her and not force her to stop as I want her to be happy.

I dont want to start spying on her.. Should I leave her for a while to think it over? We have 2 young adorable kids? They would support me i know but worried it would stress her out even more. Your situation sounds very tough and emotionally complex, and may be best addressed by talking with you directly. A healthy relationship depends on open and respectful communication. I cheated on my husband for the 2nd time. He is always abusive to me, always has been, especially when he is drunk. He is never at home, comes home drunk, calls me names, hits me, swears ugly words infront of kids.

I stopped the affair. Then I started the 2nd one, I felt bad about it and I stopped. He found out about it a year later when I was expecting our last born. He hates me, denying paternity for our baby, but he says he wants us to try and fix the marriage for the sake of our other 2 kids we have 2kids. Even though we are trying to fix our marriage, he is still abusive, goes out and drink and comes home spitting fire. Calling me nasty names in front of our small children.

Shoving me around, calling me a bad mother who sleeps around. I want a divorce now. Abuse is a pattern of behavior used to gain and maintain power and control in a relationship, and abusive people often look for things that they can use against their partner to create a dynamic in the relationship where they get to control things. But there is never an excuse for abuse. However you decide to move forward, please feel free to reach out. We would be happy to talk with you. When I confronted him he denied everything and over a course of two weeks he said he married the wrong person and vows meant nothing.

He said he was so angry with me but was not talking to anyone. He completing distance himself from me and the kids. About 4 weeks later found out it was someone he worked with. So he was confronted again, and he said it was over and done. Once again found out he was still involved with this person. Nothing sexual or physical he said. We did counsel with someone for many months. But through that he never wanted to say what they spoke about or anything.

In counsel he stated he is committed to me and the family and he was wrong. That relationship has ended but I find myself wanting to know what they talked about for hours and why he continued this after I found out the first time. So how I can I look over that and try to forget it. Thank you for reaching out to us. Having someone you care about break your trust is a very painful thing and it can take time to heal. As much as his cheating hurt, he still has the right to privacy and to not share what he talked about. You always deserve to have a partner that you can trust and to be able to have a relationship founded on respect.

Everyone is different in how they heal and what they need to move past something like this. If you are wanting to talk about how you can heal and move forward, you are welcomed to reach out to one of our advocates. I disagree with this post I am a 32 year old male and in a 12 year relationship.

I hurt her to the point she resents me and has inner hate. The past 6 to 7 years I have been completely faithful and took advice and applied advice like you have in my relationship. What ended up happening was I worked harder then the one who was hurt she ended up cheating out of hate and used my past an excuse. Is it possible to mend a relationship after cheating yes! I encourage anyone with the strength to leave whether they are the cheat or have been cheated to find someone who respects you and respect yourself is the most important thing. I think anyone who reads this post needs to realize what I realized … no emotionally healthy person is attracted to and stays in a relationship with a truly unhealthy person for any period of time… ever.

The real posts we need to see are how to let go! If it were the easy to take some medicine to numb our pain and humiliation and move onwards. I wish everyone going through pain the best of luck! Thank you for reaching out and sharing your thoughts of the post. For others, rebuilding trust and a healthy relationship can be possible. Both are completely valid and it really just comes down to each person in a relationship to decide what works for them. I recently found out my husband has been having affairs with other men.

I made the mistake of checking his phone, I honestly never touch it because I trusted him and loved him so immensely.

But his attitude has changed recently so I decided to take a peep. I need some time because our whole relationship and marriage, I feel has been based on a lie. It may take time to see whether you feel that you can trust him fully again, and that can be a really tough period, so feeling that you can openly and honestly communicate with each other through that time is really important.

We would be happy to talk with you about some options to take care of yourself and assess whether this is a relationship you feel ready to trust again. They were never the same women and they were always women off craigslist. I mean I literally have no idea how many girls he was with and maybe it never got very far because I would find out and nip it in the bud before they actually had sex, but many women and men stated that they had been in contact with me and he was looking to hooked up, but they had never actually slept with him. I just need help to find ways to heal.

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Having someone you love betray your trust by cheating can be incredibly hurtful and I can hear that you are holding a lot of pain from these years. He is the only one responsible for making these choices to cheat. The idea of choosing to give someone your trust again after they have broken it can be scary because it requires making yourself vulnerable to potentially being hurt again.

Whether or not you feel that you can choose to give him your trust again at some point has nothing to do with your ability to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship with someone. Your wellbeing and happiness are so important! You deserve to have lots of support around this. If you would like to talk about your situation further, please feel free to contact our advocates directly.

You can reach us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week through online chat at https: Forgiveness only gets you so far maybe if you leave some sense will come to this guy! All the best to you I hope you endure your pain and come out stronger! Being cheated on is a very difficult thing to go through, but it is possible to regain that trust and move on from that to have a healthy relationship if both parties are willing to put forth that effort to rebuild the trust. He had a habit of leaving me to have sex with other women, and then coming back to me once he was done, because he knew I would always be there for him.

The last time he did this he slept with my best friend, and I still have not been able to fully forgive him for that. That was the final drop that made me leave him. However, I have known him from childhood. Even after everything he has done to me, I would still do anything for him. It is now three years since the last time he did it, and we have not been together since, we even dated other people in the meantime, but now we are trying again.

The problem is that in those years we were apart he had casual sex with a girl he is still very close to. I do not mind them being friends, but she is with him every waking moment and sleeps over almost every night. I truly believe he has changed, and I truly believe him when he says he does not want her, but this is hitting an instinctive nerve, and as we have a long distance relationship at present, it is hard to see him this close to his ex lover.

All I asked was that he tell her about us, and that he stopped letting her sleep over at his all the time. I never wished for them to stop being friends. Am I being out of line? Thanks for reaching out to us with your comment. Setting up boundaries that both partners agree to in a non-coercive way is part of a healthy relationship, and it sounds like you are ready to have that conversation with your partner. It sounds like you are doing everything possible to have a healthy relationship with him now, and that is hopeful to hear.

It sounds like it might be helpful to talk through this further as well. This might be a rather stupid question, but I have decided to try again with my boyfriend. However, my main consern now is how to break this to my family and friends… Everyone is telling me to stay away from him, because they know the hurt he inflicted on me. If I tell them now that I have decided to try again, I will feel pathetic and weak, and I really doubt he will ever get along with my friends and family.

Change is possible but extremely rare in an abusive partner, and it sounds like you have already done a lot of thinking to arrive at your decision; that decision is yours alone. Our contact information is included in the next paragraph. It sounds like you are in a difficult position right now, not to mention an emotionally complicated situation.

I love my boyfriend very much but am having a hard time with our relationship. He has been divorced and has 2 girls. I was around the girls and after this past Christmas, it stopped. He is afraid if she finds out he is in a relationship that she will get mad and not let him see them. One with me and one with them. I asked if anything is still going on with him and his ex and he has repeatedly said no and that she could care less if he was dating anyone…. I know woman can be nasty but he also told me he was on a road trip with his son from a previous relationship, when he really brought the girls to Disney with the ex.

I actually used to work with the ex wife years ago, so I know of her. Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story. It sounds like you are experiencing a really stressful and upsetting situation, so I am glad that you did. Often it can take time for a parent to feel comfortable introducing their children to someone new, especially when they are unsure about the commitment and whether it is going to last.

While it is completely fair that your partner wants to have a relationship with his children and their mother, it is definitely concerning that he continues to lie and omit the truth. So from everything that you said, it sounds like he is neither communicating openly or behaving in a trustworthy way, and that can be really unhealthy. You were right to think that looking through his iPad was unhealthy also, and I am glad to hear you are not planning to do it further. Even in a relationship, each partner is still their own individual person and deserves to have privacy on social media, phones and things like that.

Whatever the reason for his behavior, you deserve to be with someone who is open with you about their feelings and respects you as a mutual partner. And he decided to be with someone else that we both know more him than me. Come to find out recently he admitted to me that he cheated on me with this same person while we were together now I have trust issues with him because all this time that I did asked him he said no.

Well today I was in the car and his friend different female called him wanted all of us to hang out and I did that before with him and he got with that person and that bothers me. While only you can make the choice to trust again, rebuilding a healthy relationship is something that takes both of you, and open and respectful communication is really important for that. My fiancee and have been together for 4 years, engaged for 6 months and get married in 6 more. I just found out she cheated on me while I was at work.

I confront her and at first she denied having sex with him. Then she finally admitted that she did one time. She said it only happened once about a month ago, she said it lasted 3 seconds, she stopped it and went in the bathroom and cried, then left. Especially after what she texted her friend saying one more time. She wants to work it out and she seems like she is putting forth an effort. How long will it last? But I have a stomach disease and was in a bad flare up for the past 6 months and she claims she thought I was faking.

What do I do. That sounds like an upsetting and confusing situation. I can imagine that you are feeling hurt right now after you partner violated the boundaries of your relationship and broke your trust. How you are feeling after your partner betrayed your trust is completely valid.

Only you can decide if you feel that you can give her your trust again at some point. That seems frustrating that she did not trust you to accurately share with her the state of your physical health. If you would like, you can reach out to us directly and talk through your situation with one of our advocates. We are always here to support you through this stressful time. So I have been friends with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. We took things to another level like dating in January. I am bi polar and have depression. I learn to overcome it but it is very difficult.

Now onto the bad stuff. I cheated on my boyfriend 6 times. Varying from kissing to intercoruse. I feel so disgusted with myself and worthless. He still wants to be something though. He wants to see that over a 2 week period of not constantly being with each other could I actually fix things.

I want to fix things. I have what I need right in front of me. I try to give him the answers on WHY but I cannnot come to a conclusion other than it was a huge mistake. I want to fix things I want to change. I just need a good head on my shoulders and some great advice. And if anyone could help it would be great. I want to marry this man. I want to have children to him. I just really need a few steps in a positive direction.

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with us. I can hear that you are feeling confused and overwhelmed by the situation. Relationships can be really difficult to navigate without support. No matter what you are feeling, you are the only one that can be accountable for actions you did consensually. I encourage you to reach out with these concerns to us directly. An advocate can go over your situation with you, offer support and potentially connect you with helpful resources in your area.

Hi, Do you have any suggestions for trust building exercises that a couple can do together? Or that I might do on my own? I live with my boyfriend. We are each divorced, neither of us have children, and we are in our late 40s. He cheated on me with his ex wife several years ago. Because of all the contact they have, I am concerned that he may be cheating again. Although I have asked that he stop all contact with her, circumstances are such that he sees it as not possible.

I think that we could benefit from therapy but money is tight. Any suggestions you have are greatly appreciated. Thanks for reaching out about this. It sounds like such a hurtful thing to experience, having a partner cheat on you like that. It sounds like you let him know your feelings regarding this in a healthy way, so that is good to hear. Practicing good self-care and putting your needs at the top of your list of priorities can really help you feel confident and help with those feelings of discomfort or jealousy.

If you want, you can contact us and we can talk more about ideas for self-care and rebuilding that trust as well as possibly help you find a local counseling resource. Is there any suggestions you can give me. Lets just begin I saying I am the cheater, a lot of things have happened and I was wondering can A man push a women to cheat?

Thanks for reaching out to us today. It seems like what you are experiencing is so confusing, stressful, and hurtful all at once. With the death of his close friends, it sounds like your husband was experiencing a really traumatic time in his life and became depressed. It is normal when people are depressed for them to isolate themselves, have less of a sex drive, and not be as emotionally available.

So that is when communicating openly and honestly becomes so important. In a healthy relationship, both partners communicate their feelings and concerns in a respectful way, to avoid any misread signals or false assumptions. Also, from what you said, it sounds like you were lacking that emotional intimacy that you needed. Maybe going to individual counseling could have been helpful for him to work through those emotions and good for you to get that emotional support that you needed?

But ultimately, the decision to cheat was your own, and nothing that he caused or forced because only you can control you and your decisions. As far as fixing things in the future, communication, trust and respect are all going to be essential. Communicate openly with each other when you have a concern, it is healthy to do so. Trust that things can improve by moving forward and remember that past actions cannot be changed or undone. And finally, respect that each of you have emotions and concerns that deserve to be heard and validated in a mutual way.

That sounds like a terribly difficult situation to be in. The calling you bad names and hitting you during arguments are big warning signs of abuse, and you do not deserve that, no matter what. Having a partner cheat on you is NO excuse for abusive behavior. It sounds like you have done whatever it takes to rebuild trust in the relationship, and at this point, it may not be possible to have a healthy relationship if he does not recognize what he is doing is abusive and seek out help for himself.

It sounds like the relationship is really complicated, and we would love to help more. I very recently moved away for a temporary job as a part of my school programme. Is there any way for my boyfriend to forgive this? It can be confusing to know how to move forward in situations like this. Your boyfriend always deserves to be treated with respect just like you do. Both of you deserve to have your boundaries respected as you both move forward with what is right for you. We have always had great communication skills and really have always loved being friends. We almost got married once.

Great chemistry, great bond, great everything. Last year I was involved with another woman. She left me after 9 months before being single for 6 years. To say the least I was crushed. She left so fast I never got an explanation, that bothered me for a long, long time. After I got back together with current girlfriend and almost wife I felt like I had to know why the former girlfriend did what she did.

To make a long story short I cheated. Now the current girlfriend is devastated and so am I. Any help would be greatly appreciated. It is really painful to go through something like this and it can be confusing to know how to move forward. As much as you want to find a way to heal the relationship and move forward, it is important to respect any space or boundaries your girlfriend may need. She is the only one that can decide to trust you again and she may need time to decide if she needs that.

If you would like to talk to an advocate about your situation in more detail, please reach out to us. Reading First Kill etc the examples are predominantly about situations where the husband is still home. Makes it a lot easier to see changes immediately but when husband has left the opportunities are reduced and you really want to make them count. I for one, would like to see more comments and real life stories with in a scenario where the husband is not present. Can I ask you Laura to provide a greater proportion of the separated scenario? The above suggestions are great, and I have been implementing them religiously but getting some traction takes a lot of doing.

It really makes all the difference. Something I have found which helps me. Practice skills on others, especially males in your life. I used respect on my 16 year old son in telling him I was soooo impressed with his study efforts for the year and I really respected his commitment for an extended period. Guess what, he resumed his coming to say goodnight and giving me a hug. Another example was when I was talking to a male coworker.

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I really made a point of actually listening to them, actually looking at them, nodding, affirming what they said. Then about 45 minutes after the convo they came across to my workplace and resumed further discussion. I think they felt comfortable speaking to me So I guess when hubby is absent you get to practice and make mistakes and no one is none the wiser, plus you build your other relationships……. Not so bad after all. Patience is the key, but you can have a multiplier effect on affirmations that the skills work from interactions with others.

But I think you need to repeat the dance all over again each time to keep a mans interest. Then he gets the reward his reptilian brain wants sex. For me, the beauty of the 6 Intimacy Skills are that they help me stay focused on what I can control—which is me—instead of trying to control my husband. No man in his right mind is going to chase a controlling shrew. For me, the focus had to be on Laura—not on how John would react. No game playing required. Laura that sounds amazing!

I would love to have my husband back…. Tina, I know it feels hopeless, and I can see why you feel that way, but I have witnessed so many miracles in situations like yours. He told you NOT to file the divorce. There really is hope. That would make a huge difference. If they can do it, why not you? You can get details here: We are still living apart buy have come a long way.

We do all things together as a family we have an 18 month old , including going to church weekly. I recently found out I was pregnant again so this has been increasingly difficult. He still has not shown readiness to move back in together and now I feel even more neglected.

I have noticed he gets very unhappy when he feels that he is responsible for any negative feelings I have. How do I manage this at this point he had an emotional affair when I was pregnant with our first child and still put on a happy face when I feel so hurt and alone? I know things could be worse. I just want to finally be reconciled. Miss, Congratulations on your progress in your relationship. That is so exciting and impressive! Consider having a complimentary discovery call here: You know my situation. I read your book i read again and again…and i thought i want to solve My marriage.

It really is contributing to world peace to make your own marriage whole again. And I think I hear you saying you would like to be a coach who helps other women do the same thing you did. Do I have that right? If you would like to talk about becoming a coach, come and schedule a call about that here: Sorry I just feel strongly about I feel like this is not good advice if you wish to have a healthy committed relationship.

Donna, I hear you and I trust that you are the expert on your own life. I know it seems incredibly risky to seduce a man who also has a mistress. In my experience good guys only cheat because they are starving for respect, which is like oxygen for them. Choosing to look past the infidelity at the big picture of the marriage is a way of acknowledging that you recognize you did some things to contribute to this outcome just like I unwittingly wrecked my marriage and that there is still something worth saving, something even better than what you had before. But a good guy who makes a bad decision in an attempt to get oxygen…that relationship can be saved and be better than ever.

I see it all the time. I am very good to my former husband and boyfriends. This crushes me and I feel like it is cheating. I am going to try your techniques. Laura, My situation is a little different in that my husband is going through midlife crisis. I desperately want my marriage back. My biggest issue when all of this happened is that my codependency blew up like crazy and I acted like a crazy woman.

I have been trying to reform my actions and be respectful and concentrate on healing myself for me and our 3 children, ages 25, 16 — from my first marriage and a 9 year old. He says I frustrate him to death. I see that I have taken over so much in our married life that I must have seemed like his mother and emasculated him.

Please do you have any advice on what to do in this situation? I will definitely try everything you have suggested. This has been very eye opening for me! I suggest you get your hands on The Empowered Wife—you can get it at the library for free. It will show you exactly how to practice The Six Intimacy Skills. I admire your commitment and your willingness to look at how you may have contributed to the current situation. Laura-We are miles apart because of jobs and selling a house. When he went back-he shut off the phone and all communication. On Tues, he said he was coming.

I sent a letter and Christmas gifts-no response. I did send an apology letter which he will get Saturday. I took responsibility for my actions and it was an I letter, but no begging or trying to get back together. He has cut off all financial support. It may not seem like it right now, but I definitely think you can revitalize your marriage and make it great again. Consider having a complimentary discovery call to explore the possibilities before you book that flight: Our NYE sucked and I spent the whole night feeling sorry for myself and silently grieving what appears to be the death of our once beautiful and passionate relationship.

He is not interested in sex. Last year we took a mini vacation and we may as well just stayed home. It was about as sexy and fun as cleaning the chimney. We used to be absolutely mad about one another! I have relegated myself to the spare bedroom. Maybe I can pull off a sexy Frida Kahlo to get his attention. Sandy, Sounds very lonely. I hear plenty of resentment and I know that was part of what kept me lonely in my marriage. Sounds like you could definitely use some support. I apologize for the pity-party-poor-me rant. Honestly, I became tired of listening to her constant complaining about her husband and their finances and her stress.

I continually advised her to put all the finances on him and take better care of herself. Then finally, I recommended your book. Anyway, my guy really is a wonderful man whom I adore with all my heart. I also know he loves me truly. You are correct, it is resentment. I needed someone to identify it, so thank you for that. Paternal abandonment and trust issues most likely. Part of my self-care is resolving some of those burdensome issues once and for all.

Surrendering is not an easy process. It shakes things up within ourselves that need to be identified and addressed appropriately. We were back to our usual selves tonight. I still choose to sleep in the spare bedroom at this time though. One more thing, Laura. How do we develop and present our spending plan? That alone was a big step for us. Sandy, I appreciate your humility and accountability. I have been married for 30 years. About 10 years ago it was discovered that I had a vascular problems. And since have lost my left leg below the knee and partial right foot. I have been in the hosp 38 times in 10 years.

I have continued working in a high power position. We live a very nice life which I support. He came home and told me he does not love me anymore and is in love with someone else. He knows her from 30 years ago. Id there any hope or do I just say goodbye. I feel very alone and have nobody! With the illness and the marriage I feel like there us nothing to live for. Sherrt, Wow, that sounds very tough!

That must be devastating! I know it seems hopeless right now, but I can unequivocally tell you that there is every reason to be hopeful about your marriage. It will be the trip of your life, and in my experience completely worth taking in so many ways. Hang in there Sherrt! This is what I like to call the breakdown before the breakthrough.

I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to connect with one of my coaches here: My husband and I have been separated for 2 months. I have apologized for my part in contributing to our problems. We have 4 boys, 2 know that he has cheated. I told him to fight for our family, to fight for us and to not give up. He does not think we can salvage our marriage. I am fighting for my marriage and trying to remain as calm as possible. Any input would be greatly appreciated. Dee, that sounds like a very painful situation! I suggest a complimentary discovery call to discover the best move for revitalizing your relationship.

I know you want your marriage back and part of saving it will be making it great again too. Things that help to establish connections with your husband, how much texting??? Is it better to make a brief phone call as opposed to texting. What things have worked….. My husband 2 months ago decided that as we were separated then a birthday present was out of the question as it would give the wrong idea about his decision to leave the marriage. Then just prior to Christmas I had to move house and had more opportunities than normal to use 6 skills.

Then on Christmas morning he texted me asking if he could drop around and see our son. Much to my surprise he gave me a gift. I was very grateful for it. This really is a tough road. Surrendered Wives Empowered Women: I really appreciate your unconventional approach to marriage and I enjoy reading your posts!

My husband and I have been married 10 years and have been together for over 16 years. Our marriage is in crisis. I am extremely proud of my husband for this but it has become a source of great pain for me. I am a grateful member of Al-Anon for the last nine months. Some of your advice mirrors what my program teaches me and the 12 Steps and my program have been monumental in turning my life around! One example, is taking responsibility for my part in the breakdown of our marriage. I pushed my husband away when he wanted to be intimate because I was uncomfortable with myself, and when we would be intimate it was painful for me so he just gave up.

I have been extremely lazy also and not kept our home clean which is important to my husband. I have been so selfish, lazy, irresponsible and just downright neglectful of my life. We also have a 15 year old daughter whom we love dearly. When my husband got sober I shifted my focus from trying to control him onto our daughter and treated her horribly.

Screaming and yelling and sometimes throwing things. I found out in late March of that he was having an emotional affair with a female that he is in program with. I also considered this female to be a friend, which hurt immensely. He also told me he had cheated two other times since getting sober. The first time was 5 years ago and he said there were others before he got sober.

He is not the same person he was before sobriety so the infidelities prior to that are not as big of a deal to me. I realize this all inconsequential anyway and that nothing can change our past. My husband has recently told me that he is not in love with me anymore he still cares but the connection is lost. I, on the other hand, feel more connected to him than I have in years.

How to Get Your Husband Back after He Leaves You

I have been through a sexual revolution and no longer fear sex with my husband and I love it. We have gone to six sessions with a marriage counselor. He is still talking and texting to the other woman, in fact, they see each other several times a week at meetings. He says he feels like he has a spiritual connection with her. This hurts me to the very depths of my soul. I had an intense heart to heart conversation with him last night and asked him to try to let me in his heart again because he just feels numb about it right now.

I also need to let you know that in not working for the past 15 years I have nothing to call my own. I have been completely dependent on my husband but I am trying to find employment and am making positive changes in my life. I have huge growth in my faith and relationship with my God which is the only thing that keeps me sane some days!

He tried to make suggestions for us to work on things earlier in our marriage and I just ignored him! He is still at home with me but I just hope and pray that he decides to give us another try to be happy. If there is any experience, strength, hope or advice anyone can offer, I would be most appreciative!

Thank you again Laura and all the women who have posted things! This deserves a longer conversation, so I invite you to have a complimentary discovery call to explore and discover the best move for your relationship. I feel my husband substitutes our time together to be more active in his program. I realize his sobriety has to come first but there is no balance. Sorry for the book I am a thorough person.

I forgot something else!!! He is very respectful but withdrawn and quiet much of the time. Is it wrong for me to love him through this indecision and not knowing what to do?! He and the other woman had sex only one time just wanted to add that. Im kinda going through this right now…my husband is supposed to leave on Friday! Can you give me any advice…i feel like we dont need no time off of each other…i want my girls to be happy with is together! And i believe that theres no such thing as no love…we have the decision to change and love day by day….

You can do it here: BAS, Sorry to hear. I have learned a Iot from you lately. I need your advice on this: I have newly surrendered 3 weeks. We have been married for 14 months lived together for 2 years before wedding. Before he proposed, I was mostly a relaxed and enjoyable person.

After the proposal I focused on wedding preparations so I did not have time to nag or criticize him which was good. I did not enjoy the vacation at all, and after we returned home, I complained a lot. I gradually became nagging and demanding without being aware. I told him I wanted a baby sooner or later, and he did not want it at all. I thought he was so lazy to even have a child. I was working 12 hours every day and it was getting worse. I hated my job, and complained about it all night when i got home.

I told I wanted to quit and take a break for a couple months, he said OK. But my parents insisted that I should not quit, that I was in depression and needed to take antidepressants. I started to take Lustral. I was feeling much better, but it killed my sex drive. I started doing it like a weekly duty.

I also became numb and indifferent. A couple months later, I still hated my job, so I quit. They wanted me to stay for 5 months until they find new personnel, I said OK what a dummy. So I kept taking Lustral and working late hours and having robotic sex. When I could finally leave work, I also left the drug and my libido and personality started to come back. I then realized that we had grown apart with my husband. I noticed his basketball bag was at home.

I called him and told him this, he said his equipment was in the car, but i knew that they were in the bag. So I asked him to take a picture of his friends or a selfie with a ball or something and send me. He said OK, I hung up and started crying. Then he sent me a photo of his colleages playing basketball. He was having dinner with a female colleague. He said nothing happened between them but he was sexually attracted to her. They ate lunch together for a couple times and he told her he liked her.

We live like roommates. You are so ambitious and I just want to have a good time, I dont want kids or raise money to buy a house. I knew we grown apart but didnt have any idea what he was up to. He never complained about our relationship before. I asked him to wait for a while and let me do my best to fix things and of course he should stop seeing her or talking to her. For a week he was somewhat distant, and I was like a geisha.

Gradually we became closer, and I found your book. I stopped being geisha and started surrendering, and things got even better. Now we are intimate and apparently happy. He comes home early every day, and sometimes drives me to work in the mornings. He bought me a dress for valentines day, which I said I liked while passing by a store.

The thing is, I cant get over what happened. Its a thousand ton luggage on me, and I dont know how to trust him anymore. How can I know that he loves me or not? Do I have to live with the fear of being cheated for the rest of my life? Was it foolish to forgive him? I want him to say he loves me. Sorry for the long story. Bahar, Sorry to hear about the struggles in your marriage! You can apply for a complimentary discovery call to uncover you best move for your relationship here: Bahar- I so totally understand your feelings.

I felt I was abandoned in another state, which in reality.. He cut off all communication and did not come for pre-arranged visit nor come to help when he knew I was scheduled for surgery. In addition to cutting off any form of communication for 3 months, he cut off any financial input. I finally flew up there…. I am so angry and hurt…. I am beyond confused. Looks like you have all the chance to make it work.

He wants to forgive and forget, that sounds good to me. But you cant get over what happened right? I know its hard, im doing the same thing right now, and im on the edge of getting my luggage and leaving the hell out of this house. Whenever i feel angry at him, i grab the phone, call him and have some small chat. Its such a small thing but it helps greatly. Hope you have your marriage back. I know you will. I am dying to put your Wisdom to practice but my husband left me, is two hours away and refuses to speak to me.

There is SO much hope for your marriage. I see them come back to life all the time. Apply for a complimentary discovery call here to discover the best move you could make for your relationship: Nisha, So sorry to hear about your separation. That does sound painful. I hope you have friends and family who you can connect with during this time!

I was so blind and took advantage of him thinking he would never leave me. I begged for counselling and he says he just flat out does not have any desire to work on us. He just left today with the kids out of town to visit friends and family. I miss my kids like crazy already, but him even more. Is this even something that sounds salvageable? I did the wrong things in trying to get him back by begging and pleading my love for him, reminding him of our vows, our children, whatvwe use to have.

What do I do now?? Shayna, I know it looks dark right now, but this can absolutely be fixed! Apply for a complimentary discovery call, and also check out this free webinar: Hi again, I jist finished reading First. That he simply just does NOT want to try. I feel so beaten down. Am I being naive to want to still fight for us?

I explained to him that if he is going to stay anyway just for the kids and be unhappy with me, then why not CHOOSE happiness and give it one last shot?! I mean, what does he have to lose?? I DONT want to give up on us, but is this simply inevitable? Shayna, Great job taking fast action of reading The Empowered Wife!

It may take some time for his feelings to come around again and that is completely normal. They will come around again if you are practicing the skills, but watch out for your blind spots. Thanks for your continued support. However, as ibread your book, all the examples used were women thinking aboutbdivorcing theirbhisband. There is very little I would want different from him. Hes always been extremely helpful around the house, an amazing hands on dad, cooks every meal, a very caring and selfless man to everyone he knows.

Have you had any clients in a similar situation and get their husband back? But he avoids me at all costs. If I try to even say 2 words to him he either ignores me or makes sure to not look at me and puts his head down. Shayna, Yes, I see situations like yours recover completely and become better than ever all the time. I have seen many women in far worse situations revitalize their marriages. No need to feel defeated. Love to see you get support! I want to add that he told me how beautiful I am when we made love that night.

He was never one to compliment. Hi Shayna, Reading your story is as if they where my own words…. My husband told me less than two months ago that he no longer was in love with me. We have two small children. I have read the books and had my discovery call but as my means are limited I have not yet signed up for coaching. I would love to hear what happened in your case? Hello Laura, I found out in September that my partner of 18 turbulent years was very intimate with another woman..

I have read alot since then and finally came across your book.. I have been using the techniques and even wrote a vulnerable, jump off the fence letter for him on valentines day.. NJB, So sorry to hear about the terrible betrayal in your relationship. You can apply for a discovery call here: Hello again, i applied for the discovery session but the available hours wont do for me because i live on the other side of the world.

I will wait until my husband travels and then schedule a meeting. Until then, i want to ask something that consumes most of my energy. My husbands affair was a short, nonphysical one but still equally devastating. Now i can see that he is happy in our marriage, he is trying to make things better but, the other woman is his colleague they are not in the same department but they have contact and she is still his facebook friend and she likes all his pictures even the ones with me arrrrrrrgh! He told me that it was just a phase and its over now, but i still cant live with it.

I want him to cut all contact with her. How do i ask this from him? That does sound devastating. I would LOVE to have you get a discovery call some day. This has had remarkable power for me since I get to pick what I will focus on, and what I focus on increases. Thank you very much for your fast response. Everything you say is another eye opener for me. So I will not express my frustration to him then. To justify my behaviour though: Seems to me that she is still trying to get my husbands attention and i think she still gets it, even though he doesnt talk to her outside work.

I feel defeated and failed, because we are almost newly wed. How could he be bored with me so soon? Anyways, i will schedule that session as soon as i can! Bahar, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I had a very similar situation happen to me this year. From that point I started to pretty much stalk him.

I read text messages as often as possible I logged on to his Facebook account and watched conversations with her unfold and even went as far as checking my cellular service providers detailed record of phone numbers that were texted and called on a daily basis. This woman was a friend of his from high school he swears that they have had no romantic past but he still felt the needed to text her every day multiple times a day. As I watched the text messaging unfold and the Facebook messages unfold I certainly did not like what I saw.

How a Little Space and Time Can Help Heal a Relationship Crisis

This was definitely a emotional relationship as far as I was concerned. He has not met with this woman but I still dislike the fact that he was having this kind of affair. I can tell you this, I no longer worry about what he is talking to anyone else about. We have reconnected in a way that feels almost like when we first started dating.

It is actually pretty amazing. We went from having sex once a month to having sex almost everyday. Unfortunately I could not afford to be part of the online community of support that she offers but I go back to the books and reread chapters or parts when I am feeling a little down or anxious about things. My advice to you is to stop worrying about this other woman and start worrying about how to make yourself happy. Try to stay off of Facebook for a little while.

For me the temptation to check his messages was just too great. I cannot control who he talks to over the course of the day but I can control what I do. Our marriage has not been this wonderful in 10 years. I give you all the credit, as you know. Wow, your story sounds great. Maybe i will try freezing my fb account. Thank you so much for your reply Laura. I am half way round the world too so Im not sure how the call schedules would work for me.

It is so lovely not to feel alone with all this.. I am still discovering things that make me happy.. Maybe the breakthrough after this breakdown will be a wedding ceremony for your and your man. I see that kind of thing happen a lot. I would love to see you get some support. Thank you again for another supportive reply Laura.

I expressed my desire to become his official wife in his Valentine letter of appreciation and respect I also included an apology for years of disrespect.. Your work has been wonderful for me.. I started off with my finger pointing firmly at him and his discrepancies and thankfully ended up pointing it at me.. I could never thank you enough Laura as you have given me the skills I needed to finally start taking care of myself and to bring our family closer together..

I will look into a discovery call as I realise this is going to be difficult at times and will need alot of support and encouragement. My daughter is getting married this year and I will definitely be buying her your most recent book to help them to have a loving journey together in married life? Hello Laura Doyle I really want to buy Your book and read it.

So I will just try to write here if there is anyone similar situation like mine and can give me some advices. My husband just broke up with me a month ago after almost 9 years of married. We have 1 son 4 years old. He broke up with me because I always bring the past back. I saw him kissing somebody else when he was drunk way back 2 years ago. And because that woman is just our neighbor, I can always remember what had happened everytime I see her. And since then, I became unhappy, moody, easy to get upset and always find reason to get upset at him.

And also he broke up with me because he thought I am using our son as a fuel for our arguments and also he thought I am making our son to hate him. Do You think I have any chance to win him back? I love him very much. He is my first boyfriend and my first love.

I already apologize and admitted that I was wrong but he said I forgave You already but we cannot be together anymore. That we are not lovers anymore and we never will be again. Should I just give up on him too? I hope there is anybody here who can give me some advices what to do. Thank You very much Laura…I would really appreciate for any replies. I absolutely believe you can save your marriage and keep your family together. That would be a big help. You have the power to make this marriage great again. Hi Laura, i have really liked reading through your website, and it has given me a different perspective on things.

I am trying my best to implement what you preach. But let me tell you my situation and maybe you could give me some advice? My husband and I have always had a very close loving relationship. Some months ago, he started an affair. I found out about it pretty early and he promised me time and again he was going to end it. To cut the long story short, I gave him many months but i really was sick and tired of his neverending lies. Despite me giving him an ultimatum, he continued to lie. It might have been wrong of me to do so but I spoke to the other woman.

She promised to leave him.. She said she never saw a future with him because he was already married.

Column: How do we get over losing the love of our life?

Well guess what, she ended up divorcing her husband. How should I handle this? And now I am back to trying the soft approach again. She seems to be putting pressure on him, but that frustrates him and he transfers that frustration to me and tries to pick fault with me. But then they will have a quarrel and somehow he takes it out on me. I also hear that you want your marriage back, with just two people in it instead of three.

I can certainly see why you feel that way! It deserves a longer conversation. Consider applying for a complimentary discovery call to determine the best move you can make for your relationship here: Laura how can I seduce my husband if he moved out? She wanted him and got him. He has destroyed our home. I spent 10 years searching for answers for our sick son.

And he had the nerve to call me lazy! He is avoiding and has moved in with his sister. I never thought I would put up with cheating but my head and heart are at war. Ginger, So sorry to hear about your husband and friend betraying you. I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to determined the best next move for your relationship. I have two of your books and your advice is excellent.

My husband and I have been separated for 5 months now. We are now talking about reconciliation and are going away together next weekend. I would like to relinquish control of the finances when my husband comes home , but I have two problems. First he has no job, and second he is such a cheapskate. So cheap he wanted to buy me my engagement ring from a pawn shop. He did not want to buy his own children Christmas presents so I had to buy them and he was angry with me for doing so. When we were living together I went to work everyday paid all the expenses while he contributed nothing.

He went through the 3 jobs in 6 months and used the excuse that his arm hurt so he quit them all. He lets me pay for all of our dates and I am even footing the bill for this weekend getaway. I completely understand your concept of letting go. Will letting go make him more responsible? I want to respect him but it is kind of hard.

He was working up until we got married less than a year ago but then quit shortly thereafter. He left after I told him I felt less of a woman because it seemed he had no desire to take care of me or our future. And I remember how scary it was to relinquish control of our finances and go all in. I am going to take your advice.

My biggest obstacle are my children. This is the second marriage for both of us. My first husband of 27 years passed away and he was very generous. My children do not like my new husband at all and think he is using me. My two oldest , who live on their own, confronted my husband about this and that is one of the reasons why he left. I want to build my husband up in a positive way but my adult children may be a problem if he does not return to work right away. Tammy, Sounds like your children want to protect you, which is natural. In many ways your children are cueing off of you.

If you build him up that version of your husband will come into focus for them too. You have a lot of influence. I hear you want to build him up and I admire that. Thanks again for your awesome advice. I have tried for a while now to get my kids to like my husband but they refuse. I do build him up and tell them how wonderful he is, but they have deaf ears, I replaced their Dad and they are upset about it. Death does strange things to people. I try and stay calm but my anger at him does bubble over. Mia, This is heartbreaking to hear.

There is definitely hope for you to reconcile, and by that I mean to make your marriage amazing again. We have an expression: A wife with Intimacy Skills trumps a mistress every day of the week and twice on Sundays. You are his wife and mother of his children, and you have the power. Given the crisis in your marriage, you will definitely want to consider getting a coach to help you restore your family. You can apply for a complimentary discovery call here: My husband and I has been married for only 5 months and then one day he said he needed space, that there is no point in continuing the relationship because the connection we once had was gone.

There is hope for restoring your marriage and regaining that connection you once had. Next, consider applying for a complimentary discovery call to uncover the best move for your relationship. My sons and I were suppose to join him but after a few weeks of being there he suddenly had a complete change of heart. I feel he is being coached by someone or several people. My question is your advice is good if my husband was here stateside but since he is so far away is there anything I can do to try and win him back?

Monica, That is heartbreaking. I see how that makes it more challenging to use The Intimacy Skills with your husband, but I feel there is still hope. This deserves a longer conversation. Consider applying for a complimentary discovery call to connect with one of my coaches and figure out the best move for your marriage. That sounds very painful.

Sounds like you are divorced and he is remarried. Shattered, So sorry to hear! Sounds like this deserves a longer conversation. I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call, to connect with one of my coaches and figure out your best move. Hi Laura, my husband has been gone for nearly eight weeks. He is very resistant to rebuilding the marriage and me and my daughter are devistated so it is really difficult to remain positive. Your story can still have a happy ending though.

Consider applying for a complimentary discovery call to determine the best move for your relationship. Thank you For your response Laura. Can you recommend which of your books I should get first to learn the six intimacy skills? Have you had many successes with reluctant husbands who are no longer living in the marital home? CJ, Yes, we have had great success with reluctant husbands who are no longer living in the marital home.

You can read a free chapter here: Thats how i found out about the affair,however we spoke things through and wanted to continue with our marriege. In October he then became distant always seem distracted when he came home to be with us, whenever i asked him whats wrong he never seemed to want to talk about it. Early January he called and we had a long conversation and he said he wanted a divorce,i asked him if it was because of that lady he said no and told me he loved and that we had compromise our marriege.

I was devasted for days, in February i received the divorce papers and i signed them. However he then told me not to send them through we will do it together when he comes home. He always postponed coming to see us,and in April he told me he no longer wants the divorce and i should tear the papers and said he loved me and our daughter very much and he doesnt care what happens or who foes what.

When talk constantly on the phone and we text from dawn till evening but he still hasnt come to see us. Im whenever i ask him if he has left us, he says no and says he loves us very much and wants a future with us and no one else but i cant help worry about that other woman and why hasnt he come to see us like before. This deserves a longer conversation because your whole family is hanging in the balance. Consider applying for a complimentary discovery call to connect with one of my coaches and determine the best move for your marriage.

I regret everything bad I ever said or did to him I now know how much he means to me I should of paid more attention to him than always being with our kids. What can I do? There is plenty you can do to restore your marriage and make it everything you dreamed of. Have you read or listened to The Empowered Wife?

If not, start with that as soon as you can. You can apply for that here: My husband left me 4 months ago he is now with the women he was messaging while we were married and says he wants a divorce I want him back we have a 15 months old baby what do I do can I turn it around. Donna, I can imagine your heartbreak. Sorry to hear about the separation and the affair. I saw him yesterday for the first time in a month when he was visiting his daughter and I pretended it was a date and he showed no interest what so ever! Feeling hopeless and as though he will never ever come back to me.

I feel so lost o know where I went wrong and I am working on changing for myself and him but I am slowly losing hope.

• How to Get Your Husband Back after He Leaves You.
• Armenia - Mer Hayrenik - Score.
• I, Walt Whitman.

Donna, Good for you for pretending your visit was a date! That takes courage and faith. It makes all the difference, in my experience. Have you applied for a complimentary discovery call yet?