You Can Be Liked! A Winning Skills Book

Newport clearly has absolutely no experience in the corporate world. He does use interviews of people who work in the corporate world to try to bolster his arguments, but they lack the ring of authenticity that first-hand experience would provide. He's probably right that we could all benefit from the deliberate practice of our skills; however, how one would go about doing that when pulled in a million different directions including by one's email by the modern workplace is left to the reader to discover for herself.

The examples of careers that Mr. Newport cites are not necessarily achievable by the average Joe. Sabeti now works to eradicate diseases in Africa, and sounds like a truly remarkable woman and doctor. However, most people are not going to have careers like Dr. I would argue that she must have had a great deal of passion for her mission to eradicate human suffering in order to achieve her goals, not just deliberate practice.

However, the best that Mr. Newport can say about Dr. Sabeti's amazing career is that it was "remarkably late Finally, there is just too much borrowed material in this book. Even the title of the book is a regurgitated Steve Martin quote! Add the Martin quote to Marvin Gladwell's Outliers and you have the gist of the book. All of that said, I don't think Mr. Newport is wrong in his core argument. We shouldn't necessarily wait around to try to make a living off our "passions" in my case, my passions are reading and knitting - no one is going to pay me to do that!

Getting better will make our work easier and more enjoyable and will open more opportunities for us, including more autonomy over our work days and careers. Newport did a very poor job at fleshing out his arguments, and he did an even worse job at providing examples of practical applications of his arguments for the average worker.

This book would have been better as a long article or an e-book; Mr. Apr 07, Ahmed rated it liked it. The short version of this book is: The book in summary has 3 parts: Yep its as boring is "debunking a hypothesis" sounds. This is the worst and most uninspiring part. He goes on, and on, and on for 30 pages saying that the advice "follow your passion is bad. This is where he actually starts making some sense.

He argues that if you give the world, the world will give back to you. However, he constantly fails at giving examples here since he gave the example of a musician, and a writer. For Cal, he never mentioned even once that passion is what makes people seek the skills they're passionate about.

I'm really struggling to imagine a musician spending countless hours practicing guitar, and he hates music! At least lets give him credit that he acknowledges, although only 3 pages, that some jobs aren't worth being good at without passion. Here's where he brings some valuable insight about building yourself career wise. This is the part everyone should read. He gives actual advice about how to build your "career capital" which are skills that you can exchange for more freedom such as being a great programmer and so on.

Be so good they can't ignore you, and then peruse your passion is a better advice, I believe. I just want to say that part 3 deserves 4 stars, but I settled since third of the book which is part 1 and 2 were awfully written and the points made were not argued well. So I settled for 3 stars. I wish he would rewrite the first part.. Sep 19, Eric rated it it was amazing. This is a tremendously valuable book for anyone who is looking not for a job, but a career that offers control, autonomy, and gives you a sense of fulfillment.

I was interested in technology and transportation when I was in junior high school. Instead, Newport stresses the pursuit of skills, not passion. But not just any skills. But not all practice hours are equal. Although difficult, it is far more effective than other means of practice, Newport argues. Once you have mastered these skills, you can start defining the terms of your career, giving yourself the control and autonomy many crave but few achieve. Newport highlights two traps. The first is thinking you have enough career capital too early in your career.

In other words, you jump without looking: The second is acquiring so much capital that your boss will not want to let you go, in effect pushing you in a direction that offers you less control and autonomy even though it may come with a new title, new office, and maybe even a raise. But Newport offers a solid plan to avoid these traps. Moreover, Newport also offers advice on building a career not based on passion, but one that you become passionate about. Not too long ago, I stopped working at a law firm to become a freelance writer.

And although I possessed writing skills, I lacked the other skills necessary for a freelancing life marketing know-how, references, a pile of clips, etc. I would have been able to hit the ground much faster. Not only does Newport profile writers and musicians, but also a biologist, venture capitalist, archeologist, and various other entrepreneurs.

They will be better defined and likely more productive. Read it, learn it, use it. Discover your dream job by developing your skills. Read this before you think about quitting, getting a degree, a new job especially self-employment , or "following your bliss. Find work you can learn from "build career capital," in Newport's terms in order to take another step toward more desirable work. Use one foothold to reach the next, and have the humility to recognize that success takes time.

Try to spend more time on activities that yield long-term rewards, rat Read this before you think about quitting, getting a degree, a new job especially self-employment , or "following your bliss. Try to spend more time on activities that yield long-term rewards, rather than letting busywork fill your schedule. The writing has minor weaknesses, including a slight egocentricity and prose that feels superficial. May I add one insight to Newport's, and that is to begin seeing the world with more curiosity.

For example, don't look at stores as merely places to buy things. Everything has a history, and that's what makes life and business so interesting. Next time you visit a mall, think that the neighbors likely discussed it before it was built, and so did the city council, and construction crews, developers, contractors, and retailers. There were decisions to be made about timelines, costs, revenues, traffic, parking, design, property, branding, signage, wages, taxes, lighting, law, computers, food, certifications, celebrations, holidays, insurance, maintenance, etc.

At corporate headquarters they thought about even more topics. And that's just retail, just one portion of all the economic activity out there! In other words, there is so much to learn, but people will pay you a lot more to do tasks that require experience and proven judgment than they will pay you to dig ditches. You could build a career specializing in any one of those areas listed above, which is exactly why you shouldn't quit too early--because you'll be competing against people who didn't quit. It's hard to come to terms with mistakes, whether you knew better or not.

As somebody who has been there, moved from place to place to find better work, and made 25, cold calls, I can't guarantee that everyone finds a dream job, but I can tell you there's great satisfaction in knowing you tried every day.

With time and effort the days get brighter. Now here's a book recommendation http: Jan 01, Aisha rated it it was amazing. Learn to love what you do. Most books on career advice tell me to find a job using what I'm passionate about. Unfortunately for me there aren't many jobs that will pay me just to read whatever I want all day. Learning to love what you do is much better advice if you ever want any job satisfaction. This was a great book for most people, but especially for people who are fed up of the advice to let your passion lead you t "Don't do what you love.

This was a great book for most people, but especially for people who are fed up of the advice to let your passion lead you to a job. Because that hasn't worked too well for anyone I know. Oct 11, Pete Welter rated it really liked it. I'm split on this book. I chose it to read because a number of the writers I admire most, including Seth Godin, Reid Hoffman, Kevin Kelly, Dan Pink and Derek Sivers, recommended it although it turned out 3 of them are mentioned in the book, so there's that.

Questioning the passion hypothesis - that you first find out what you're passionate about and then find a job that suits it - is a an excellent message. Many people I'm split on this book. Many people may not have a passion to speak of, and even if you do, you need to be good at something to do something with it or make yourself good at something.

Sheer desire and passion is not nearly enough - something that had been nagging me a bit of late, and it was good to see it addressed in such a head on manner. The meat of the book are ways to make this happen, and I can't say I disagree with any of them. Again, it's about trying things, continuing to get really good in a context where others notice. He talks of small bets a philosophy I wholly buy into and it feels like his failure stories fit into the "all -in but missed it" category too often. The failure stories feel a bit like straw-men - way too easy of examples. I'd have liked to see a bit more dissection of the intermediate cases.

However, I was not wholly satisfied, because it felt like his sample population was extremely narrow and not at all diverse. His positive examples like a number of other of these types of books are cherry picked from the top of the top of their fields. The folks who are Ivy-league or PhD individuals. But happens to the vast majority of young people who don't have the resources, the background, or the skill in a rare field. Do we just give up and them have them be the low-paid service workers? Is there enough room at the top of the pyramid that he's imagining for more people?

So, it's worth reading, but go into it with skepticism. Take what fits you, and realize that we all don't dream of being PhD track profs. Imagine my surprise, then, when I found a chapter or two of this book use Derek's biographical sketch as the backdrop for one of Newport's rules! I find myself in agreement with most of Cal's major points, but can't in good faith recommend reading this.

Many of the anecdotes were cringeworthy and writing convoluted. The passion-followers, in particular, are portrayed as such bumbling fools that it makes me suspicious of his arguments, or would have done if I wasn't already in agreement with his main thesis. I think he could have written this book without introducing us to the professional woman who quit a good job and blew her savings to open a yoga studio after only a few weekends of yoga training, ultimately to end up on food stamps. Or the blockheaded something who dropped out of college with dreams of a passive income financed travel lifestyle, only to give up after writing a few blog entries that fail to become an overnight viral phenomenon.

Or the lifestyle-design bloggers who try to scratch a living out of inspiring other people to do the same useless thing they are doing. The problems experienced by these strawman characters if they are even real result from a naive approach to the world, get-rich-quickism, lack of planning, and poor execution. I really think building his arguments using these figures as foils undermines the credibility of the entire work.

A lot of the negative reviews seem to focus on the contradiction between Cal's panning of the passion motive and praise for "mission". Many people seem to think these are the same thing. I don't think this is necessarily a contradiction, but Cal doesn't seem to be very clear about explaining that missions are emergent interests that arise from one's collected experiences and opportunities as a craftsman. This is similar but subtly different from passion, which is Cal describes as a kind of innate affinity for a particular topic.

I think "career capital" is a useful new piece of vocabulary, but overall I give this book a pass. Jun 22, Leah rated it it was ok. Newport is a persuasive guy, and he offers the sort of realist advice and impressive credentials to back up his claims. And, he has a history of being effective -- his productivity tips do help people, they are generally in accordance with classical principles of operant conditioning -- and the quora community loves him.

But, I obviously don't agree with the thesis of his book. There's room for being good at what you do, but there's also plenty of room for caring about it. That is, I don't thi Newport is a persuasive guy, and he offers the sort of realist advice and impressive credentials to back up his claims. That is, I don't think the two alternatives in life are: You can perhaps, as Newport himself seems to have done, find a balance.

Work hard at what you like, and spin off a profitable side project -- be a computer scientist, and write a series of lucrative but really, sort of uncreative don't you think? Apr 26, Rohit Sharma rated it it was amazing Shelves: Hands-down, the best book I've ever read on creating a great career.

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There is so, so much bad advice out there the entire "self-help" genre has a bad name -- but Newport's work digs deep and provides real, actionable insight into a quick, easy-to-understand format. Highly recommended to read this for creating a career plan, followed by Deep Work for a way to execute that plan effectively.

Sep 21, Justin rated it it was ok. I love the blog and his blog sized nuggets of wisdom. Unfortunately, it didn't translate into a full length book. He doesn't have much data to back him up and his argument hinges on a limited amount of interviews with people who seem awfully similar to the author himself: The last point is the biggest problem of the book. I was never convinced that the successful subjects of the book were succe I love the blog and his blog sized nuggets of wisdom.

I was never convinced that the successful subjects of the book were successful because of the laws that the author outlines or because they are simply gifted people. The "farmer" he profiles is taking out major loans from the farm bureau as a high schooler Cal spends a lot of time discussing how people in show business don't particularly interest him with regards to his theory, yet then spends time profiling: Something doesn't compute here I wish he had taken more time to find a more diverse range of subjects instead of the gifted academics that mostly run in his circle and the generic, anonymous schmucks who represent his argument against.

It was a frustrating read because the argument he put forward is provocative, counterintuitive and true, yet the evidence and overall argument was thin and wanting. Mar 10, Miranda Barzey rated it it was amazing Shelves: I really liked this book. I wish I had read it during college.

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I think it would have gave me some direction when I dropped out. I was so concerned about trying to find a passion that none of my work in the last 5 years has really added up. I could have been building career capital instead of working a bunch of dead end jobs. One example of bad career planning in the book actually described my own situation pretty thoroughly. The information I've read within it has really inspired me.

I'm trying I really liked this book.

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I'm trying to focus on my building skills and see where that takes me. I'm also trying to adopt the craftsman mindest to show what I can do, rather than be always disappointed that people aren't throwing work at me. I would recommend this book to anyone, but especially to young people trying to figure out what they want to do with their life.

Jan 23, Allysia K rated it it was amazing. I'm a big fan of Cal Newport - Deep Work was one of my favorite reads last year. This one was a great read too, in a completely different way. It's all about how developing skills leads to passion, as opposed to the other way around. He argues against the common advice to "follow your passion". Instead, he encourages you to develop rare and valuable skills, which can then lead to work you're passionate about. Lots to chew on here, and very motivating! Sep 12, Amanda rated it really liked it. I've always found "do what you love" to be both vague and distressing advice -- how?

This book offers useful advice, fascinating interviews, and most importantly, examples of how real people used the strategies suggested. Thanks CGP Grey for the recommendation! Oct 09, BookOfCinz rated it really liked it Shelves: In So Good They Can't Ignore You" Cal Newport explores why following your passion may not be the best career advice and how doing that may lead to your detriment. I learned so much reading this book, I am happy I picked it up. For the last several months I have been focusing a lot on my passion and I think in reading this I am taking a step back and seeing how my work and passion can function cohesively.

Along with these three he put forward the idea of deliberate practice- this is where you work assiduously at something and ensuring your abilities are stretched. Newport goes on to show how acquiring Career Capital may lead to you having control over your life and work. I especially liked this chapter because it rang true to me on so many levels. I want to be in a position where I can use my career capital to leverage some amount of control over my life. I absolutely enjoyed and learned so much reading this book. I highly recommend this to anyone who is struggling to find passion or some meaning in their work.

May 14, Rachel rated it it was amazing Shelves: This book, though not written by a believer, outlines some really wise and biblical truths. Although communicated in secular terms, I found this book convicting and encouraging in my own pursuit of taking dominion in my work for the glory of God. The premise of the book was that "follow your passion" in your quest to find work you love is bad advice. Said in biblical terms, the idea is that in our flesh, we don't love working hard, and what we would love to do all day are things that are "fun This book, though not written by a believer, outlines some really wise and biblical truths.

Said in biblical terms, the idea is that in our flesh, we don't love working hard, and what we would love to do all day are things that are "fun". A study cited in the book found that people do have passion- and the top results among college students were dance, hockey, skiing, reading, and swimming- probably not your most marketable skills. The answer to this problem as the book presents it is that we end up loving what we are good at. So trying different things and becoming the best at what we do is the best way to find our niche.

The Bible doesn't teach us to follow our passions, but to train our desires according to what is right, and to seek true fulfillment in following the paths of righteousness, not whatever is easiest in the moment. That is where true joy and fulfillment are found. Rule 2 in the book is that you should become the best at whatever you do. In whatever field you are in, become excellent. We should strive for excellence as Christians because we bear the name of Christ and are representing him. I loved how the book didn't shy away from acknowledging that this takes hard work.

Grueling hours of practice and pushing yourself outside your comfort zone are key elements in getting good. I found this not only honest, but exciting and inspiring. There are no "10 Quick and Easy Steps" to being the best in a field. Rule 3 Once you are the best in your field, he argues, you then have something valuable and worthwhile to give.

Once you have reached that point, you then can have more control in what you do with those assets. This is excellent advice from a Christian perspective, because it follows the biblical principle of becoming faithful in little. Responsibility flows to those who are willing to sacrifice. Newport argues that having control in your work is something that is a key element to helping your work to be fulfilling and enjoyable. I think the idea here is that we have an inner drive to take dominion, and that is met when we have control.

Rule 4 The Importance of Mission. An essential element to finding work you love is also having a sense of mission. A broad, overarching goal that gives your work a sense of importance. If Newport were a Christian, this chapter might have been titled "The importance of Kingdom". I was grateful for the clarification I gleaned from some of the guidelines shared about understanding when taking a courageous step is the right thing to do, or is being irresponsible. That's something I've wondered about how to determine, and I thought that the principles shared on how to make that decision were helpful.

Overall, I thought this book was highly enjoyable, thought provoking, and inspiring. A must read for entrepreneurs! Oct 09, Jelle Derckx rated it it was amazing. Cal Newport is een interessante en analytische schrijver met een blog en twee boeken over werk: Ik las ze allebei en leerde over het vinden van het werk naar je hart en over werken zonder afleidingen.

Dit eerste boek van Cal Newport maakt korte metten met de slogan: Twee grootste lessen uit het boek 1. Ga je passies ontwikkelen maak er werk van en stop met het zoeken naar die ene droombaan of die ene passie. Vervolgens kunnen we die niet vinden en dat zorgt voor chronisch switchen van baan naar baan, twijfelen over jezelf, verwarring en angst. Waar gaat het dan wel om? Het gaat om het werken aan je passies en daar heel goed in worden. Zo goed dat mensen je niet meer kunnen negeren. Het echt geconcentreerd werken aan deze passies voelt van tevoren als de taak met de minste bevrediging en het minste gemak.

I ended up with a bunch of friends I didn't really want and, because I was so preoccupied with "winning" those friendships I missed out on the chance to form relationships with good people. But that's really just me trying to find something positive using the "principles" in a book that I am still trying to UNlearn. If you want to win friends, you have to do it the hard way, by being yourself and risking rejection and daring to do some rejection of your own, as well.

And if you want to influence people the only fair way to do it is through honesty. All the rest is manipulation and pretending. This will harm you in the long run. Thank you for reading this review. View all 97 comments. Nikhil V Precise Dec 15, Matthew Can meet today Dec 16, This is an incredible book. I've heard people mention it for years and years and thought the idea of it was so stupid.

The way some people talked about it made it seem like it was a book for scoundrels or for socially awkward people. I didn't want to be either, so I didn't want to read it. Finally, a great friend of mine recommended it to me and I started reading it. This is a book for people. It's not about being evil or admitting you're nerdy; it's about how to get along with people. Anyone wh This is an incredible book. Anyone who ever has problems getting along with people should read this book.

I know I do, but this book has completely changed my perspective. This really comes close to a life changing book.

The main point of this book is that if you want to have friends and be successful, you should be nice not mean. It sounds so obvious and I thought I was doing it, but now I realize all the mean things that I've done and still do to people when I don't get along with them. As I've read this book and I'll work hard to do this from now on I've tried to think more about the other person's perspective when I disagree with them and it helps so much.

I've already noticed a change in the way I interact with people. This is a great book. I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to get along with other people. It's a very humbling yet empowering book. View all 24 comments. It's wondering that this book was inspired from this old Indian book: View all 6 comments. Apr 24, Conrad rated it it was ok. Dale, saying people's names often when you're talking to them, Dale, doesn't make you popular, Dale, it makes you sound like a patronizing creep.

This book is probably really handy when you're trying to befriend kindergarteners, not as much adults. It's also aimed at salespeople and not regular humans. View all 39 comments. Sep 27, Ivan rated it really liked it Recommends it for: Three things about this book surprised me and I liked it a lot more than I thought I would. One - it seemed pretty much timeless. Not much anachronism here, because language still serves the same purposes as ever, and people still want basically the same things they've always wanted.

I liked the examples taken from Abe Lincoln, etc. Two - the techniques described in the book aren't duplicitous. We all try to do what the title says, just like everyone else, whether we're admitting it to ourselves Three things about this book surprised me and I liked it a lot more than I thought I would. We all try to do what the title says, just like everyone else, whether we're admitting it to ourselves or not. Readers are repeatedly encouraged to develop genuine interest in others, be honest and ethical, and obey the golden rule.

Three - I enjoyed it read twice back to back and it felt easy and natural to apply some of the ideas in my life. Shortly after reading this book, I was a little bit better at communicating and a little bit happier about my interactions with others in general.

Jul 30, Adina rated it liked it Shelves: I bought this one in from an Amsterdam bookstore and it has been laying on my bookshelves since then. It's an icon of self help books and that was a problem because I kind of hate that genre. I decided to get rid of this one as well but not without trying, at least, to see if there is anything of value in it. Well, I was surprised to read some sensible advice and I decided to actually read more. So, the book wasn't total garbage. As I said above, it had some I bought this one in from an Amsterdam bookstore and it has been laying on my bookshelves since then.

As I said above, it had some good advice about the subject of win friends and influence people although there was a lot of filler in order to make his principle into a book. Some examples were really interesting others a bit ridiculous. One of the problems I had with the author and one I find too often in self-help books is the condescending tone, the ones that tells you how smart he is and that she is the only one capable to tell you how success is achieved.

It was an interesting read, I learn some useful skills but it isn't groundbreaking anymore in my opinion. View all 28 comments. Mar 19, Paul Rhodes rated it did not like it. Anyone who thinks this book offers important wise advice on friendship is an idiot. Dale Carnegie was nothing but a huckstering sophist, and a very repulsive one at that. For those of you who may not know, Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People is a handbook on how to exploit friendship for the sake of financial and political gain.

Now fans of this book why such people are allowed to read, much less vote, I do not know will say this book helped them overcome their shyne Utter dreck! Now fans of this book why such people are allowed to read, much less vote, I do not know will say this book helped them overcome their shyness and make real friendships. But Dale Carnegie is not interested in real friendship. His only concern is to exploit friendship for financial and political gain. One need not be Einstein to know this.

One need only read all the garish claims on the back of the book I have an earlier edition than the one usually found in bookstores today such as, say, "Increase your earning power" " Carnegie's book will [m]ake you a better salesman, a better executive. A true friend cares about his friends, but a salesman cares about his profit, and if friendship come between him and his profit, then so much for friendship. Dale Carnegie's groupies are utterly oblivious to his promotion of such shameless exploitation, which is as obvious as a communal bedpan. And they are also utterly oblivious to historical facts.

Had they some historical knowledge, then these sycophants-in-training surely would have read Dale Carnegie's pilpul with slightly less pollyannish gullibility. For instance, if they knew anything about the Age of the Robber Barons, they might have found Dale Carnegie's depiction of Andrew Carnegie as a man truly concerned for the lot of his fellow man a bit hard to stomach. Sure, Andrew Carnegie smiled a lot and presented a friendly appearance to the press and public, and that was enough for Dale.

Dale--like all other sophists, politicians, and prostitutes--cared only for appearances, but underneath the accommodating demeanor of Andrew Carnegie was a heart as hard as the steel his factories forged. Andrew Carnegie would publicly declare his support for rights of the worker and yet let his Manager Frick hire Pinkerton Guards to massacre the union workers.

Andrew Carnegie would snatch good PR with his various philanthropies but also poured much of his money into the American Eugenics Movement which managed to get laws passed all over this country that mandated the sterilization of cripples like me. American Eugenics also had a profound influence upon German Eugenics, an influence which one can see documented in the minutes of The Nuremberg Trials.

I hope even Carnegie groupies are not that ignorant not to know that influence, however nice, pleasant, and smiling it may be, is bad when it leads to genocide. Yet, I suspect those who swear by this book will continue to have nothing but admiration for Dale Carnegie, whose sycophantic adulation for the ruthless rich who killed off unionized workers and funded the genocide of the weak should offend, repel, and disgust anyone with even a modicum of human thought and decency.

Carnegie fans are idiots. View all 68 comments. View all 8 comments. Oct 02, A. It's considered corny to read books like this, but that kind of cynicism is ultimately limiting and counterproductive. My dad forced me to read this book and it was one of the main things that pushed me out of my shyness and made me an amicable person. Apr 24, Navin rated it did not like it Recommends it for: This is a sad book. A book that aims to turn us into manipulating individuals who would want to achieve their means through flattery and other verbal-mental tricks.

Even technically, it seems to me that the ploys' in this book would never really work. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you. It tries, or at least pretends to turn you into a someone who would flatter everything that moves — so This is a sad book. Most of us read so that we are inspired, moved, even shocked or atleast entertained by stories. We also read so that we understand better and stretch the possibilities of our minds and hearts, to be better human beings. We definitely do not read to become conniving ugly creatures to be held prisoners by our greed. And come on get a grip — this is essentially a sales book.

View all 25 comments. Over 15 million copies have been sold worldwide, making it one of the best-selling books of all time. In , it was number 19 on Time Magazine's list of the most influential books. Sep 30, Roy Lotz rated it really liked it Shelves: When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.

Dale Carnegie is a quintessentially American type. He is like George F. Babbitt come to life—except considerably smarter. And here he presents us with the Bible for the American secular religion: In a series of short chapters, Carnegie lays out a philosophy of human interacti When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. In a series of short chapters, Carnegie lays out a philosophy of human interaction. The tenets of this philosophy are very simple. People are selfish, prideful, and sensitive creatures.

To get along with people you need to direct your actions towards their egos. To make people like you, compliment them, talk in terms of their wants, make them feel important, smile big, and remember their name. The most common criticism lodged at this book is that it teaches manipulation, not genuine friendship. Good friends aren't like difficult customers; they are people you can argue with and vent to, people who you don't have to impress.

He never advocates being duplicitous: The principles taught in this book will work only when they come from the heart. I am not advocating a bag of tricks. I am talking about a new way of life. He sees people as inherently selfish creatures who are obsessed with their own wants; egotists with a fragile sense of self-esteem: They are not interested in me. They are interested in themselves—morning, noon and after dinner. Even the nicest people are absorbed with their own desires, troubles, and opinions. The other day, for example, I ran into my neighbor, a wonderfully nice woman, who immediately proceeded to unload all her recent troubles on me while scarcely asking me a single question.

In any case, I think this book is worth reading just for its historical value. As one of the first and most successful examples of the self-help genre, it is an illuminating document. Although the author always insists the stories are real, the effect is often comical: Take, for example, this piece of advice on how to get the most out of the book: Probably this book would be far more effective if Carnegie included some exercises instead of focusing on anecdotes.

But then again, it would be far less enjoyable reading in that case, since the anecdotes are told with such verve and pep to quote Babbitt. And I think we could all use a little more pep in our lives. View all 18 comments. Apr 25, Neja rated it it was amazing Shelves: This book is a life changer! Really, I'm not making this up. This was exactly what I needed. Some things that are described in this book I realized before reading this book, but there were a lot of things I never thought about myself but are so true.

I don't like conflicts and I found a lot of tips in this book about this topic.. Yaaay, my zen is safe! View all 7 comments. Reading between the lines and paying attention to the biographical details you realise that Carnegie never was a successful salesman himself. Success only came late in life when he was teaching an evening school class on the topic of how to win friends and influence people.

His students would share their stories about changes in thinking or attitude which had changed their lives, these then made their way in to the book. Once the book was published readers would send in their own stories which w Reading between the lines and paying attention to the biographical details you realise that Carnegie never was a successful salesman himself.

Once the book was published readers would send in their own stories which were added to later editions. As a result the book is a collection of anecdotes, many of which have people changing their circumstances or changing their lives by changing the way they thought, but all the same you think that the unending pile of washing up featured in one story always remains an unending pile of washing up whether you enjoy it, despise it, value it or feel oppressed by it.

Still, the book keys into a timeless message that you may not be able to change reality, but you can certainly change the way you think about it view spoiler [ although you could smash the plates I suppose hide spoiler ]. On the sinister side this is a book that celebrates positive thinking, which is to say that it ignores a realistic appraisal of the world in favour of having your cake and eating it, on one level this is a fairly harmless book on another it tends towards The Secret and the belief that others and oneself are to blame if you die when a ferry sinks, or if you are persecuted, or if you develop cancer because plainly such things only happen because you weren't positive enough.

Barbara Ehrenreich discusses this all very nicely in Smile or Die. It is only a short book and won't harm you if you give it a read, but despite the title doesn't have a lot of advice on how to win friends or influence people. View all 14 comments. May 18, Viraj rated it really liked it Recommends it for: Everyone who is even slightly motivated and wants more in and from life A well written book with a lot of examples, including many of good folks from the history and many without any citation, but none-the-less seem real.

The examples are written so that the message goes across well. The stuff mentioned is pretty obvious and simple, but important and often ignored. Worth reading multiple times as the preface recommends. Become genuinely interested in other people.

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely. Why argue with him? Always avoid the acute angle. I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument—and that is to avoid it.

Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis. You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. You can seldom have both. Better give your path to a dog than be bitten by him in contesting for the right.

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Even killing the dog would not cute the bite. Perhaps this disagreement is your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake. Distrust your first instinctive impressions: Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction.

It may be you at your worst, not at your best. Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry. Listen first; Give your opponents a chance to talk. Do not resist, defend, or debate. This only raises barriers. Try to build bridges of understanding. Look for areas of agreement: When you have heard your opponents out, dwell first on the points and areas on which you agree.

Look for areas where you can admit error and say so. Apologize for your mistakes. It will help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness. Your opponents may be right. It is a lot easier at this stage to agree to think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and find yourself in a position where your opponents can say: Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest: Anyone who takes the time to adisagree with you is interested in the same things you are. Think of them as people who really want to help you, and you may turn your opponents into friends.

Postpone actions to give both sides time to think through the problem: Suggest that a new meeting be held later that day or the next day, when all the facts may be brought to bear to preparation for this meeting, ask yourself some hard questions. Could my opponents be right? Is there truth or merit in their position or argument? Is my reaction one that will relieve the problem or will it just relieve any frustration?

Will my reaction drive my opponents further away or draw them closer to me? Will my reaction elevate the estimation good people have of me? Will I win or lose? What price will I have to pay if I win? If I am quiet about it, what the disagreement blow over? Is this difficult situation an opportunity for me? The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

Oct 19, Michael Finocchiaro rated it liked it Shelves: This was really the world's first self-help book and undoubtedly helped many people build their self-esteem. It is easy to read and its tenants are easy to follow. The one criticism that many have justly laid on it is the feeling that you are manipulating people into being your friends or accomplices thus the "win" in the title. As such, the techniques work with a subpopulation of people you run into over the span of your life nut certainly not all of them.

And true friendships are about depth This was really the world's first self-help book and undoubtedly helped many people build their self-esteem. And true friendships are about depth and mutual respect so no techniques are required. A more appropriate use of the book is how to behave and fit in in corporate America and for that, other than losing the tie and the hat, manners and ambitions have not changed so much for the book to become irrelevant. I prefer Getting Things Done personally. Nov 15, Catherine rated it it was amazing Recommends it for: This book is a guide to life.

I think several people should be required to read this book at least once. Teachers, emotional teenagers, employers, employees, husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, friends, neighbors, politicians etc I truly found this book oddly entertaining. Although it is a self-improvement type book, I couldn't put it down. Through the examples of many famous and successful people throughout history, this book teaches us how to work with others and be nice. I sincerely believe This book is a guide to life. I sincerely believed that my ability to effectively communicate and work with other people improved exponentially through reading this book and putting what I learned into action.

I love this book and am going to require that my children read it before they get a job, a drivers' license, or a date. This is the most boring, tedious, inane book I've ever read. It is a total of pages but the essence could be boiled down to 12 at most. Every chapter, he has one point summarized in a neat box at the end. I skimmed the rest. He gives you six examples when one or two would do. He deliberately repeats himself. He wastes the readers' time. Do yourself a favor and just read the "In a Nutshell" summary points at the end of each chapter.

You won't miss anything.