The Single Girls Guide to Dating American Men and Hopefully Banging Them

I still don't think anyone in their right mind would act like that way though. No, it's true love. I'll try and get my wife to tape my blade. Toe to heel, and waxed! Although if she does it from heel to toe, she'll have to buy me "Makeup Flowers". Yeah, you can say anything and it sounds romantic in French. She'll get sick of it after his 5th affair. And no need for extreme insecurity because I'm happy for the most part,but your reaction would indicate that insecurity you mentioned.

Not knocking anyone's hustle in the search for love. I'm not angry, and it is, of course, a blanket generalization. I don't mean to imply that everyone who came here and got married was a nerd, but look around, and you will see quite a few couples where the husband or boyfriend is decidedly odd, and the wife or girlfriend hasn't realized it yet at all.

Are you making these ridiculous comments just to feel better about yourselves? I hope it is working. These comments serve no other purpose. It's your comment that smacked of insecurity, because you I mean people in general cannot seem to comment objectively on this thread. Doesn't matter if it's 20 years and I've been here nearly as long or 2, your opinion does not fit society as a whole -- it's a subjective generalization. Therein lies the rub: Last time I went home I saw a bunch of 'odd' couples walking around holding hands and what not. For flings or short relationships, yeah, maybe there are more 'nerds' with hot J-ladies, but when it comes to marriage it's hard to say.

You put on that equipment to impress others. I know because I once faked putting on the equipment and playing the game. There is a certain sadness in the way that some men will read the above tips and immediately dismiss their own behaviour under the guise of honesty and worldliness. With a roll of the eyes and a somewhat smarmy attitude, they will derisively comment on the foolishness of those who actually believe romance is anything other than a way to get into a woman's pants.

Women are perfectly capable of telling sincerity apart from deception at least, as well as any other person blinded by love. Nor are women deceiving themselves into mistaking romance for true love. Romance isn't an emotion. It is an art. It is a dance. It is the flattering and embarrassing reminder to the receiver that they have the power to make someone act like a fool in love. Like any other art form, it has its time and place, but again, like any other art form there is no reason why it must be formally practiced at all times; one does not need a ballroom and a fancy gown to enjoy a sudden two-step in celebration of a successful business negotiation.

If you are not the romantic type, more power to you. If you are the type that genuinely does not understand the appeal of romance, try considering the appeal of any shared emotion, be it the thrill of competition, victory, or simply the quiet satisfaction of the company of a friend, and frame it into the context of a relationship. If you are the kind that actively derides romance in its various forms and has difficulty in seeing anything beyond nefarious purposes A real proposal Yeah, I did the same thing. I was being fake then. I learned not to do it the second time. If you where being fake then why even bother proposing.

You where only cheating the one you where proposing to and yourself. I guess thats why you learnt second time around. No its called using your imagination and spicing things up a little and having some fun. My wife and l still after 14 years of marriage send flattering text messages and write funny cute things in them.

Its called having a laugh and a bit of fun and after 14 years l can still say my marriage is fun. Can you say the same? I remember my wife and l had a silly fight one day and she felt so bad she sent me a bunch of flowers at work. While it was embarrassing it was also one of the sweetest things ever. Its was hilarious to have the women l work with making comments about how lucky l was to have such a great wife. You sad sad little man.

Maybe he is saying it because he feels it and wants his partner to hear it. There is nothing wrong with saying it as long as you mean it and also show it. No some people are just secure in their relationships and like to show affection for each other. LOL well arnt we just the uptight type. Nothing wrong with pet names. We still do that after all these years. You get out of a relationship what you put in. You put no effort in and its a waste of time, you make an effort make it fun even if others see it as childish and you have a good relationship.

As l said l have been married 14 years, been together 19 years and are still l can safely say l love my wife more and more each day. We dont need to tell each other we love each other but we do, we dont need to do all the "silly" little things but we do and its not fake its genuine and it makes a big difference in a relationship.

Maybe you should give it a go instead of scoffing at it. Just wondering, and this is a serious question that I mean absolutely no offence by asking btw, but how is it that so many people here appear to have been conned into getting married with a Japanese person? How did this happen? Have they really changed that much since you married them?

Some examples perhaps, if it's not too personal? I got married last year and my wife is Japanese. But in reading what a lot of other foreigners have written, most of whom's relationships have apparently gone to hell, I'd like to be prepared for any potential 'surprises'. And in regards to the article, yes, I can agree with a lot of that. I was never fake about it, and my wife does let me know how much she appreciates the little things we as foreigners seem to take for granted.

No, seriously, don't take this article, or the posts, as any guideline for your own relationship and happiness. No J-lady is the same, the same as no other woman in the world is the same based on nationality. Some relationships go to hell, regardless of nationality. You've come onto a thread that is based on foreigners with J-ladies, so naturally you're going to see a lot of comments both ways on the matter, but it needn't apply to you necessarily.

Don't spend your time anticipating 'surprises', spend it doing what makes you and hopefully your better half happy and don't ask questions. I understand what you are saying and I know exactly what kind of article it is. I just get tired of bitter foreign guys who call the girls dumb and stupid and gullible when they fail to realize that they get played just as well, if not better by the girls. I met lots of Japanese girls who may not have been the most worldly of people, but they sure as hell weren't dumb and many of them were absolute virtuosos when it came to playing a man. And I think Japanese women are very pragmatic when it comes to marriage, so some of those interested in foreign men, or cute halfu babies met plenty of these , or living in a foreign country have no qualms in choosing a slightly nerdy guy if it means they get what they are after.

Farm Boy says this:. But in many cases, I don't actually believe this to be true. I think many of the Japanese women are perfectly aware of who and what they are hooking up with - it's just that they make pragmatic decisions as a means to an end. My wife was telling me the other day that her best Japanese friend here in Perth basically admitted this very thing to her. She married a nerdy, geeky guy here in Australia because it provided her with what she wanted.

They have had a child, he has a great job and provides well for them all but she does not find him attractive, thinks him a geek, they fight non stop and she watches a quick bit of porn to get in the mood whilst he has a shower before the show starts. I'm not making this up. But she knew exactly what she was doing and who she was marrying long before the ring slipped onto the finger. In your case, you obviously took your time and waited until you met the right person, and that's what I'm advocating here. I've been with my wife for 10 years and she is just one of the best people I could ever have imagined meeting, let alone marrying.

A quality human being. I'm a lucky man. Japanese women really want to get married to the best guy they can get, so they pull out all stops to show that they are great cooks, gentle, sexy etc etc. The goal for many is marriage. You'll notice how a proposal line for many japanese man is that they will make the woman happy. So it seems to me that for most the deal is that the woman shows herself to be worth marrying - but then from there after it's the man's job to make her happy, and the family happy, and for many the main way he does that is by bringing in the money. That's his main responsibility.

When I first heard about men losing their jobs but not telling their wives I thought they were absolutely proud and arrogant and that of course their wives would want to know what happened and comfort them and encourage them etc. But the reality for many NOT ALL so don't attack me is that a man losing his job and not being able to find another one with the same income changes the ball game completely. Unfortunately, many foreign men were raised in a completely different culture and naively assumed that a Japanese woman who wanted to marry them wanted to live like a foreign couple.

Well some of them like the foreign romance style, but once their married with kids, they revert to the expectations that were raised with. Plus the fact that a lot of girls were brought up in the bubble era and expect to live like princesses, forgetting that things have changed. So, a total difference in expectations. Which is why it's probably good to have quite a few deep and meaningful conversations about money, children's education and lifestyle and not just fine dining, flowers, songs and sex.

Copy it and google it to see how original it is. Wow, there are some very, very, very bitter people in the comments section here. Believe it or not, there are guys there who don't mind doing these kinds of things and in fact, even enjoy doing them. I used to be one of those "this is so cheesy" types. Until I met a woman I fell hard for. Over a year into our relationship, I'm still doing these things -- and she returns the favor as well. And it's not something I'm "trying" to do -- it just comes naturally. And some of these "watch how J-girls will turn into vicious money-grubbers once you slip the ring on" people -- stereotypical much?

Wasn't there a similar article on JT sometime ago? Just face it people, non-Japanese are not necessarily great lovers, they are good at talking sincerely. That means every man who is not Japanese is romantic and Japanese men are the only unromantic people on Earth. If Japanese men are really as the article says they are, maybe there is a healthy pool of Japanese women who are shy, unromantic and asexual who hate foreign languages and are disinterested in foreign cultures. Or those with romantic tendencies who are ultimately pragmatic: Joking aside, it just might be possible that most Japanese women like their countrymen the way they are, whatever that is.

All I'm saying is that people like you own up to it instead of dance around the issue, pretending as if that's not what you really want. Men aren't stupid either, and I don't buy it. Lighten up people, every one has their own style and some of us are more mushy than others, if it is not you or doesn't work for you that's OK. And although the article specifically mentions J-girls as I can attest there are women in every country that find foreign men interesting and men that find foreign women interesting too.

I'm not the one being an internet toughguy. Someone has a different opinion to you so they must be a sad little man. Were you bullied as a kid? It obviously works if you've been together 19 years. I just know it won't work for me and my wife. Also, my wife doesn't speak a word of English and Japanese pet names are even more annoying. The whole "silly" little things just wouldn't work with us. It works for you, obviously, so all the power to you. Not necessarily run away, but that should raise a big, glow-in-the-dark, red flag.

Once they start talking about you like a posession, things can get scary. I do call my missus "my precious moonbeam" because Arthur said it when pissed in one epsiode of the old British social documentary On the Buses. Probie Wow 13 of the first posts from you and so much feels negative. But I applaud you for you happy marriage. Unlike the other responses to your posts I do not wish to argue after all every one is entitled to their opinion. But every one has their own style when it comes to attracting a woman. And women have different attitudes about what they like from a man.

During my widowhood I dated a lady who absolutely despised foreigners funny she was only second generation in the U. I came here to honor my late wife's memory in her "homeland" although she was 4th generation U. But I went and fell in love with my landlady and here I am married to a beautiful foreign woman who adores my romantic mushiness apparently a behavior that is very hard to find in the men here, not that they are bad men, just not very romantic, I've only found two places in this city of , that sell romantic cards.

I am happy that you and your wife are happy in your style of love, please be happy that the other of us are happy in our style of love. Foreigners fawning over their J-wives, how low can you go. I've been married to one for12 years and I never say anything remotely debasing such as the head-wagging comments in the article.

Treat'em mean, keep'em keen. Not saying anything violent but less is more in the wife-fawning dept. Besides, after the first few years she told me "We've been married long enough so I'm no longer doing, this, this or this. I'll let your imaginations do the walking. We've been sleeping in separate bedrooms since then. She's happy as long as the dough rolls in. For as many couples as there are out there, there are also just as many "perfect" formulas for getting and keeping the love of your life.

I tend to avoid telling anyone they're doing things "wrong" because for them, it may be what works best. All it says is that these are 10 different ways that worked for the particular 10 women they interviewed. Wait, so she was a foreigner dating a foreigner or was she a native dating a foreigner or a foreigner dating a native or a native dating a native who hated the foreigner and also hated the native? DentShop She was second generation in the U. It was her attitude that the U. Save my money by going to Glendale, LOL. California has to be ten time more expensive to live in that Yerevan, plus I wouldn't have gotten to see Mt.

Ararat, Karahunj the Armenian Stonehenge and many structures that are more than 1, years old. I am assuming that many foreigners there in Japan have the same thoughts about what they have seen there. It read "Pronoun adverb verb adjective pronoun. No white guy, however dumb or ugly he is, should need this guide for most Japanese girls, getting a white guy is a status symbol of walking around Tokyo.

If you skip tourists, the only white people you see are fat, balding, ugly white dudes with sexy Japanese girls. The only thing you need is money and this was not on the list. Same goes if you're Japanese. The Japanese women would rather have money more than flowers anyday.

In fact, being single, 38, and with a fairly decent income, I navigate the sincere vs. As previously mentioned, women aren't idiots. Those who didn't figure it out by age 12 had their mothers or friends informing them about what most men are really after whether the men themselves knew it or not. I would submit that the primary reason for this is complacency: The idea that a marriage is the final step in a relationship. At its core, marriage is really not much more than a business contract. Getting to yes, regardless of the nature of the proposal, is only the beginning.

If one does not follow through and ensure the contract is maintained, there is every chance that it will fail. No, the true pleasure of a relationship is not to be found in the legal or pragmatic environment created by marriage. Romance is an art. Like many arts, it is also a means to happiness through creation. In the case of romance, it is the creation and maintenance of an interpersonal relationship, one which is in constant flux and endlessly interesting.

Romance is the key to continued interest and, by way of interest, passion. You need to revise your reading list. The weird thing is that while I'm married to a Japanese woman. So, how strange am I?! Actually, I don't often see fat, balding, ugly white dudes with sexy Japanese girls at all. Where do you hang out? They're probably just normal guys who wear wigs, don't go to the gym, and the sexy Japanese girls are probably just at a normal weight for Japan. Cabadaje - spoken like a single male. It's so easy to know everything about romance and passion when you "navigate the sincere vs.

What if Japanese women have a child with a foreigner in Japan and gets divorced? In a recent years, Japan is experiencing a dramatic increase in the number of international marriages between a Japanese and a non-Japanese. There is an increasing trend in other countries to shift to shared parenting and joint custody.

Enforcement of custody orders is also an issue in those countries that usually award sole or primary custody, as it is in Japan. The law in U. The practice of sharing child custody after a divorce is "alien" to Japanese and not found in Japanese culture or history, which may help to explain its absence from Japanese law.

In Japan, when a marriage with children legally dissolves, full parental custody and authority is awarded to only one parent. The real difference lies in the two cultures diverging conception of social parenthood. The American parent remains a legal parent at least in part because he or she remains a social parent, while the traditional Japanese view is the opposite. In Japan it is seen as preferable that children make a permanent break with the non-custodial parent because creating a legal "right" for parent would cause conflict damaging to the welfare of the child.

The typical 'deal' in Japan is that, upon divorce, the father pays nothing for the child's support, and he never sees his child. It is noted that the decision by family courts in Japan with regard to both visitation and child support are unenforceable. It permits the spouse usually the husband keep most of his assets, avoid payment of alimony and provide little or no child support, but the price he pays is the abandonment of any relationship with his children, while the other spouse is punished economically, but keeps her children.

The world is changing and interracial marriages are just a natural part of that change, get used to it!!! I know white girls who love Japanese guys because they also have a stoic charm to them I generally have found Japanese women to be cold, non-expressive and asexual. No hugging or kissing in public please, we're Japanese. Also no flirting, no romantic banter, nothing. Anyway, sure "men are after one thing", but hey, guess what? Women can be too! Who woulda thunk it, hey? What really is the problem? It can't possibly be considered as a lie. Why would the women accuse the man of lying, unless, of course, she hates herself and has low self esteem.

Maybe she doesn't respect that the man is at least making an effort for her which she clearly doesn't deserve if it comes to that. Anyway, let's play devil's advocate and call BS on sweet talk. Well perhaps some people can't enjoy works of fiction for what they are either. I didn't see anybody upset, or fail to enjoy watching "the avengers" because the events portrayed in the film weren't real!

Romance is no different and enjoyable too IF you have your head screwed on! My ex-bf was like this, and then two months into the relationship, he realized that he was Japanese and reverted to being cold and distant. But I totally agree with you!! That's what J women are all about. And yet, most guys here are so head over heels about those superficiality in those women. She told me that her husband had enough of those 'fake' J women According to her, this is what her husband said: J women do all the nice things with smiles in front of him, but the minute they turned away, the smiles are gone and they go date another man That's what it's called flirting language.

When another J woman comes along, he'll just drop you off like a piece of rag. On the other hand J guy texts with only 2 or 3 words when you expect more, but the love is consistent. I would say the issue is a bit more complex than implied by a single "Divorce Rate" number. That said, the number of divorces compared to the number of marriages, and the number of non-divorced couples who live separately are likely not included in that figure.

There is a lot of trial and error involved in the actual practice, and that doesn't even bring into account the academic training that I have put to use. Anyone can learn to be romantic, but like any art, you have to be willing to put in the time and effort to practice if you ever want to be good at it. Most people have a loving partner and are happy at the level they are at, and more power to them. People like me, I have to work at it to keep a lady interested in me. You can still have romantic liasons with Japanese women without engaging in humiliating nonsense.

The only valid rule from that list is 6! Something is forgotten in all this. One stereotype DOES seem to hold true, though. Seems as though in many cases, the Japanese woman is older than the foreign guy. Perhaps the women have realized that they are reaching the age that they are "off market" for Japanese guys, so they have to resort to foreign men who don't care so much.

I've seen it myself on many occasions. It's quite rare in J on J relationships for the woman to be the older of the two. Looked over the list again. Nothing wrong with most of them - flowers, "i love you"s, letters, signs of affection - none of that really goes out of style. My daughter sends little letters in hiragana to her friends all the time. Baffling to me and to my son who'd rather punch his friends or throw mud at them to show affection, but girls like stuff like that.

And if there isn't much of that before you get married, it probably won't increase. I think you wrote a great explanation of Japanese thinking and practice re divorce and children, and it's good for foreigners to read that. So that's the way it has been, but I'd submit to you that regardless of who is paying for what, children would like to see their mother or father sometimes. Don't you think so? I don't think there's a Japanese child gene that makes people not want to see their father from time to time.

Cabadaje, If you have to work at it to keep Japanese ladies interested in you when you are just dating, I'd hold off on give marriage advice. I, on the other hand, would point out how many people here have derided not working on their romance, and the subsequent consequences to their marriage. In all cases, I stand by my position: Romance is a delightful thing in a relationship, at whatever level the players chose to play. Complacency inevitably leads to boredom, and boredom is a relationship killer. To assume the players do not know that they are playing a game is a fairly weak conclusion that can only be drawn by assuming that men are are being motivated solely by sexual desire and women are not intelligent enough to recognize it.

To deride others because they enjoy playing a game is fairly boorish behaviour. I agree with Elbuda Mexicano. Of course,what's written in this news article are not in general, Japanese women married to foreign guys are intimate only with their hubbies in the first few years of their marriage. Personally, i know some American guys married to Japanese women who complain that their wife ignore them and so they start to play around I don't do any of these things but I reckon I'm a good boyfriend, I'm not a domineering bully or a shy, mummy's boy like most Japanese guys.

I wonder how many of the blokes in this article have to do these things in order to just keep a girlfriend since they only came to Japan because they couldn't get one in their own countries Sounds like a lot of work. Just order delivery health and sweet talk her into putting out the honban, then get on with your day.

Cabadaje, I was baffled that you had to work at keeping women interested in you when you were single. I had the opposite problem. And that someone who isn't married but thinks they're knowledgeable about romance because they're having lots of romance, needs to know that it's a lot easier when you're not married.

I agree that those who are married still need to work on romance, but not being married and having some girlfriends doesn't qualify you. And like I said, I'm surprised you have to work so hard to keep women interested. Esp if you're a foreigner in Japan. Just being a foreigner should make you interesting enough. Loki, It's a mistake to think that because you are married to a person of a nationality and have a great relationship, that those who don't are at fault.

Maybe you got a better catch. You can't judge other by your own relationship. Some women are just easier to get on with than others. Just like some men are easier to get on with and please than others. Buying a woman as a slave through marriage, or paying her off to keep her interested in staying around isn't exactly moral to some of us either. If some people were smart about going down that route, they'd find that routine prostitution is cheaper over the long term. Reading the comments on this article reassures the "bitter and lonely" vibe I get from a lot of commenters on this site.

Funny because I bet quite a few of them have JP spouses lol. You act the way you act with the one you love, regardless of marriage. Marriage imposes new responsibilities, to be sure, but if you use marriage as a reason to slack off the romance, the relationship is going to get boring incidentally, I am using the general "you", not you, personally. You are certainly entitled to your opinion on the matter. Myself, as I said, I do not consider marriage to be a disqualifier for romance, nor any particular advantage. Just because someone chooses to claim that the game is over does not mean that any of the other players weren't playing just as well or better.

Well, no matter what each one thinks, cheesy stuff is nice for some people, not everyone and that's ok. Don't mock japanese girls, not only japanese girls can like those things. And for the guys that think 'those cheesy things' are too much, well some guys actually like to treat their girls like princesses, and some others don't. As long as they feel fine and happy, I don't see the problem. Is anybody satisfied with Japanese women after married?

I know we all think they are hot but do they have anything worth being with for many years? I seriously have never seen any gaijins that are married to Japanese talk about how their marriage is positive. It seems everyone is taken to the cleaners and get no action. You end up getting moved to a separate bedroom, given an allowance and not allowed to spend your own money the way you want? Probie Clearly you are not the Romantic type, but many romantic men can and do exist. Im sorry you are lacking in that deparment but I dont feel it gives you the right to judge and call anyone who does it fake.

I personally use pet names, always leave on "love you" and compliment my love regularly, but I guess thats because Im not just in it for the sex. A Japanese who has read only a few of comments will comment: We have fewer skills for expression than others do. Most of us aren't given enough from our families or schools. Although some boys and girls get such skills, the others remain poor. I think it's quite easy to get J girls. You should be able to feel the love without needing to be told it every day.

You should be able to see it everyday in the things they do- actions are louder than words. If you say "I love you" because the other person demands it rather than because you feel like saying it, the words mean less. Those are not ways to get a girl or keep one.

They are wonderful ways to make her think you are a needy schmuck and get what she wants out of you until she finds someone with some confidence to dump you for. An awful lot of mysogyny being posted here. I find there is nothing that radically different between men and women when it comes to relationships. There are plenty on both sides of the gender fence who would drain their partner dry of whatever resource they find desirable money, sex, business contacts, etc.

Men are just as opportunistic as women. As for why foreign men appear to marry Japanese women who are older, perhaps that is because Japanese women seem to age more gracefully than women in other countries. Though admittedly an extremely small sample of 1, my nihongo sensei originally from Tokyo is probably in her 50's but still looks very nice.

I contrast this with the women around here in their 40's and she has them beat 9 times out of Just out of fairness how about a list of "10 things Japanese women can't stand about foreign men. Those girls don't pull any punches. Most Japanese women are very boring. If you get married to Japanese women, they become a witch after a while. Taiwanese women are more flexable and feminine. The educated Taiwanese have soft qualitites in communication and natural expression skills that very few Japanese women can match.

Even Hispanic women are more fun to be with. I'm just being polite to her, be myself and appreciate what she does for me. That's all I've done so far to make my love intact inside of her for over two years. That depends on what J-girl you date. If you got one like mine, trust me, that's one of the reasons that keep my sanity intact when everything else seems completely insane in the land of rising robots.

If it wasn't for her, I've already gone batsh! From experience, most Japanese women are easier to impress with romantic gestures and a general show of affection. I think that a lot of Japanese women women in general maybe become materialistic from an early age and the only thing they believe shows love is dinners, brand name stuff and vacations etc. As if they are saying "if you believe I'm worth it then prove it", but of course you can also make a materialistic person happy with creativity and expressing your feelings.

I have also found relationships with Japanese to be a one way street. Take, take, take and an overly high expectation for a man to work until he is dead. Let me be very frank about the situation! Don't be a sucker ladies! Have you heard "sweet talking jerks"? If you have never been to America or to Europe, you probably are not familiar with those losers. It's pretty common practice to hook young women not because you are beautiful or rich.

The guys have their own reasons: Google their names and find out as much as you can about them and read about Nigerian or people from that continent. I have heard that some of them are divorced and are collecting money from the Japanese government! With daily contributions from our experts, we have a little something for everyone looking to create healthier lives.

We're excited to offer our contributions to the Psych Central community, and invite you to visit us on YourTango. Find help or get online counseling now. Single and sick of it?

10 Lies Singles Tell Themselves About Love After 40

Find out what you can do to change your behavior. Retrieved on December 18, , from https: Hot Topics Today 1. She loves me unconditionally, wants to hang out with me, waits by the door for me to come home when I am out of the house, and cannot access my bank account. I retire from the military in 4 years, have saved since the age of 16 and have started construction on my dream home.

Once retired age 40 , I will spend the rest of my life indulging in my hobbies. It would be nice to have a women to share it all with, but I move forward happy…regardless. Focus on the positives.

Why Am I Still Single? 8 Reasons People Often Stay Single

Very well articulated Bill. You state the truth with no apprehensions. Might I add…I am Have a decent job 19 year firefighter with a major southern city , and yes…I am single. I am always polite, and consider myself a southern gentleman. I can easily get laid…. However, my expectations are not that I expect a 24 yr old pretty girl to be commited to me. But I find that being quite courteous and generous with my money , that I can easily find an attractive bed partner.

I can never keep them for long however…lol. What I have found…is this. This also happens with females of my own age. Again…I will say it…Woman say they want a nice guy…. Niceness gets me laid…. If it makes you feel any better, some of us pretty, ambitious, 24yo prefer nice gentlemen who are in their 40s so long as we have things in common, like passion.

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I find myself wanting to discuss world events with him or just hear his perspectives on different issues. It could also be that you sound very shallow and contradict yourself with what you want. If you want pretty blonde white women with a university degree, they are not going to want to stay home and make sure the children are well educated at home as you indicated. This is actually not Dude, it seems that you have enough money to buy yourself a wife. You said yourself you are attracted to beautiful or at least pretty women and not mentioned anything about personality so why not travel to Thailand and make someone very rich and buy yourself companion.

They tend to be petite and cute and they will be greatful that they can now provide for their family back home when they marry you. This is a very interesting article. I have never been married and my parents are divorced and not the greatest parents ever. However I have had loving experiences with other relatives and relationships and I feel aware enough to reject the unfortunate role models and try to embrace love. My experience as a middle aged woman is that I am a little burnt out after trying for so long. I hate to say this, but as a beautiful heterosexual female I feel that most of the men my age are so jaded that they are seriously not open to having a relationship.

I am a kind, loving and energetic woman. The men are so full of fear I am rejected as a spinster, too old and so on. I believe this is their projection of their last failed relationship that they have really not resolved. You cannot believe the unkind things I have heard from grown men. These guys have issues. I have had to end many conversations just to protect myself. Many of us have been hurt, and some have no feeling whatsoever that they should at least be kind to one another. They really do continue to blame their parents. As I said, I have 2 difficult parents.

I learned from their conduct how I do not want to act. Some people seem to use it as a shield or an excuse for their bad behavior. There is such a stereotype against single middle aged women that have ever been married. These guys really have no interest in claiming their manhood. I am so frightened of going out these days in account of the cruel things men say. They have serious problems. Hate to say it, but I blame the men. Stuck in the past and hostility towards middle aged women is their unresolved issues with another girl or failure to move from the excuse of their dysfunctional family.

And if they are seriously interested in remaining single, why could they not at least be cordial to the single ladies. These men have no manners. Why would I go out to get roughed up by ignorant men. I would never say the unkind things I have heard out of the mouths of people in social settings. Whatever their issues or preference, they lack social graces.

Kind manners go a very long way to making things move in a positive direction. I have met affluent, educated people without a shred of social grace. These people should really stay at home. I am sorry to hear about your situation with men and I fully empathize with you. Its great you have a support network of relatives who you can talk to, as well, since you have a lukewarm relationship with your parents.

Just because the men you have met are rude and inconsiderate, it does not mean that all men are like that. I believe that there is someone out there for you. Just as there is someone out there for me. Just hope, pray and have faith. Never ever give up. Rather than focusing too much on people who do not return your love, focus on those people who love you, ones you are not too crazy about and ones you would not normally consider.

Finding love is like marketing your product in a business. If a man who started a business charged dollars for his product and there were 1 or 2 customers, he would have to lower his price for the product, so he would have more customers. Likewise, you may need to lower your expectations of the ideal man for you.

In reality, there is no ideal man out there. Yes, there are men that look attractive on the outside, but they are rude and obnoxious inside. They marry, later get tired of the woman, then divorce and later find another woman. They appear happy on the outside but they are never really satisfied inside.

Then, there is the overweight middleaged, slightly balding guy. He might not seem physically attractive to you, but he might have a heart of gold, be a true gentleman. You bypass him, yet he makes you laugh. You can easily talk to him. He is not judgemental as some of those attractive guys and he simply adores you. You need to consider him seriously as your future partner because with him you will find happiness for life.

Also you need to get yourself out there. Join clubs where you meet other middle-aged people. Take up a hobby. If 70 and 80 year olds can find love, then so can you. Just never give up. Well i was certainly raised by very good parents, and so many women today were raised by very bad parents. The good old days were certainly the best since many men and women had to really struggle to make ends meat, so women had no choice since they had to accept their men for who they were when both men and women had no money to begin with which many men and women had to live with their parents.

That is a good reason why marriages lasted a very long time, and our parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles had very long marriages back then. So since the times have changed, so have the women which certainly explains why there are so many of us single men today. Most of the women I know make more money than the men they are in relationships with.

Many of us are about all those other things a good man can provide such as support, companionship, physical intimacy, love, loyalty, family. She could have married the next suitor so her kids could eat, but she refused to go down that road again. I take great offense to any suggestion that women and their children should be put in that situation again just so some men can have their egos rubbed. Older men exclude older women. What some men have said in this forum about women, can be said of you men too: You can realistically expect to have your cake and eat it too.

Men are very very very picky and idealistic. It is what it is. My cousin went to a singles dance with his friend many years ago and saw this girl that he was very attracted to which he said to his friend that someday i will marry her. And God punishes many of us Single men and women that would had certainly wanted the same thing. One very good reason many middle aged men are cynical and jaded about relationships is the financial ruin that many go through after their partner files for divorce.

Roughly three quarters of divorces are initiated by women. All the loneliness in the world is far more preferable to me than the wreck. I still wear my ring, not as a reminder of the past relationship but rather, as a deterrent. Much to the dismay of most of my friends and family, I have decided that staying single is a far better choice for me. My brother just went through a nasty divorce. As you stated, you are not alone. Stories like yours and my brothers make me feel a bit better about never getting married.

Good luck going forward. I find myself going through longer and longer phases of loneliness, terrible loneliness. I have a lot of women friends and do socialize with them during the week, but nights and weekends are reserved for their families husbands,children and grandchildren. I am kind of their touchstone to another life, the single middle aged woman friend. I passed up marriage for a career that never really materialized. No children although I did want to have children. I should have cut my losses and moved on but we spent years trying to be friends.

Why I ask myself? I should have started dating in a serious way, but instead I closed down and really gave up. I am 53 now and I look back and see clearly how I passed up trying and being open to finding a husband and father for the children I wanted and the family life I wanted. I am very alone and no one in my life really knows how alone. My married friends have no clue how difficult it is to date now.

I would rather keep my loneliness to myself and fill my time when I am not working with my interests.

I am single because men I meet and date just want sex and are not serious about commitment. I watch porn once in awhile but i still want to spoil somone with love and affection. I even consider myself attractive too but seems nobody wants commitment these days. My last partner i made clear my feelings. Even after sex i tried many sweet gestures to win her over to no avail, i stayed with her when she needed me and tried to make her laugh and happy, always respected her feelings. Then when i finally gave up and stopped trying we met up again 3 months later while she had a new bf that she decided to come out and tell me about, i didnt ask.

I said congrats and continued my work. Same night she showed up an hour later to ask if i wanted to makeout after im off work. I looked at her with my broken heart and just walked away saying nothing. She claims to my old friends she had too many booze that night. Every relationship ve been in was very similiar. Just people taking my love for granted and me getting fed up with it over time. I have been in a very similar situation me being in your shoes and it really sucks! I understand being scared to open up again. Same with me, although to add that every time I talk to a guy, he immediately wants to rush into a relationship.

No guy that I have come across ever want to take his time to get to know me. Guys, if you are reading this…. Keep doing your thing. Stick behind your beliefs and what you do and believe in yourself. One day, a woman will see that and be attracted to the qualities she sees. Change your job, work out, get manicures, etc….. Some really attractive and nice men stay single or fail every one of their relationships because of the stuff that was explained here.

Sometimes looks are the issue, but not always. As far as I know, I even think self-esteem is more of an issue working out and stuff as you said can help improve it, but people, me included, should above all learn to love and accempt themselves. I could do all of the things you say because I used to and end up with a superficial, stupid and annoying wife that I have no love for.

Today the times are certainly much different than it was back then, and it definitely was so much more Easier finding love at that time. There are really No good places to go anymore since they had single clubs other than the bar scene without drinking, and they had a lot of church dance for singles too. Well that certainly explains why our parents, grandparent, aunts and uncles had it much easier at the time, and many of them are still together as i speak.

Why should it be the men who have to change? Why not the woman? Why is it always that the woman does the deciding? Why is it that we must meet her standards? Sure women have the pressure of having to look pretty and all, but men have the pressure of both looking good and having to do the asking. There is always talk about the lack of equality between men and women, and I agree with a lot of it, but no one ever mentions this. That men have to do the asking and seek approval, and women do the deciding. How sad are many of the responses. I had all those excuses and more when I was single, and stubborn, and picky and I thought happily single.

Then I met my now husband and can now study, and work, and care for my family and pets…and go on holidays and with friends and still have a loving comfortable home-life to come home to. My husband shares all that with me, and makes life and all of the above infinitely easier. So none of those are valid reasons. Someone who truly loves you will wait while you do your homework each night, surely? Other people think they will vanish or self-combust if they are not in a relationship, and will try to be in one no matter what the cost is.

This was one of the best articles on this subject I have read in a long time.

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I found it brilliantly insightful and illuminating. I find this exceptionally ironic for two reasons: One thing that makes it impossible for me to date is that I never jump on the chance to have an interaction with a woman. They need somebody, but nobody needs you specifically. You are nobody in the sands of dating possibilities.

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I have this wall that I feel like I need to be perfect in order to date somebody. God created you and because of that, you have value. Our world today likes to teach us from early childhood that we are a random accident of evolution. It is not true; God created everything.

I believe your most critical need is to have a personal relationship with your Creator, who loves you. I would encourage you to find a Bible online or in print and read Genesis history of the world , Psalm , and the book of John—the fourth book of the New Testament. I just got out of a 12 year marriage. Trying to be a husband and parent at the same time put me and especially her under a huge amount of stress. So what have I come to conclude? As such, I am a control freak times a million.

My life is SO sheltered and scripted, and when people try to be spontaneous or change things I present them with super huge resistance. Foot dragging, procrastinating, whining, complaining. Why put people through that?! So — to add to this otherwise exceptional article, I think sometimes people like me have mental illness that just makes a relationship too impractical. Look how hard relatively normal people struggle to work on and maintain their relationships.

Can you imagine how hard it is for someone with NPD to please their partners? Can you imagine how someone living with an NPD must feel? I read their accounts online and it just makes me sad — how much sadness and emptiness people with my illness cause others. The last women who showed interest in me was politely rejected.

She was disappointed and I found it very sweet that someone could be interested in a guy left with so little — so little to offer. Little did she know, I was doing her a massive favor! I am just so entrenched in this personality disorder that I may never change at all, or if I do change, not enough to make a good companion for someone. I want to make a positive difference in my life and the lives of others. I have to combat my mental illness. Not within a relationship.

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I found your answer to be one of the most sincere, but self deprecating. I just do better single and am not that great in relationships. I feel like relationships bring out the crazy in me. I must have been in a real heavy mood the day I wrote that piece! But, the shoe does fit. This is even when I try to be mindful, and giving and appreciative. Anyways, thanks for the reply. Normally when I come out with that stuff people can be rather… judgmental.

Self-depreciating or not, some people are just in rough shape and really should maybe avoid romantic relationships. That is very refreshing to see that you own it and have processed it. That takes a lot of self awareness and courage. Well there are many of us men that really hate being Single, especially when we have a very hard time meeting a Good Woman to spend the rest of our life with, and Loneliness is very much a Curse for us too. Someone decided we would have a credit crunch though about 9 months before I was gonna hit the real big time…. Then, I kind of projected all that feeling for her I suppose on to this other chick I used to know, I had previously known her from school.

All the real problems I had were still waiting for me, change the circumstance, change the man….. Saved some cash and went travelling, and boom I was off again, banging backpackers, waitresses, receptionists, cleaners, sales women, 1 journalist even, all sorts of chicks, left, right, centre…I could tell you how to do it, I can tell you what to say, I know exactly what is required to get laid, I even wrote a blog on it for a couple years….

Anyway, my travelling days came to an end, and I came home. Thanks for the article. Gives me something to think about and act upon. Reading some of the comments, it seems like many are in denial …. This is the best articles and all the comments are very interesting… I am a single mother of 17 yrs old boy. Your solitary days will be no more, for tomorrow is safe in my hands.

Merry Christmas mommy, love you so much. I can identify with certain of the points of the article: Starting with the latter, in my early 20s, I lived my first, which happened to be a long distance relationship, with somebody. During that time, I was unaware of the other relationships that she was engaged in. Tragically, I learnt that she had been sexually assaulted over the course of that year. I was confused, filled with contempt and compassion. It is important to forgive, but to never forget.

About a decade later, I gave another shot at being in a relationship. We liked each other, but there was no love. I think was expecting too much. In fact she was too intelligent for me on a social and logical level. When my work ran out, I moved again, thinking that I loved her. She asked not to be contacted, but I would have liked to at the least keep a friendship going. Single, 35 years old female, educated and good job.

40 and Single? Maybe You're Telling Yourself These 10 Lies

As a woman I do not understand this. I am not sure what woman would accept a man being continuously unemployed and doing little about it. I still looked past it and stayed positive. I am shallow and admit it. If I can make time to look good for you, then I feel you can try to look good too. For the men who replied saying they are good guys but think they are unattractive, you can change that. One reader posted that all the good ones are taken, this is true because those men have lives in order and want to move to the next phase. The remaining ones do nothing to change, look like cavemen, or is a whore.

Nobody wants a dictator. My problem is that all the women within my age range are either divorced with children, or have children. It is one thing to have preferences, but nobody wants someone telling someone what to do. Of course I get the weirdos and the garden variety creeps. Like people with staring problems. There is this old saying I learned long time ago, steer clear from the ladies staring at you as they are looking for lust, and unclean. I am destined to be alone, period. People do so much to tick me off on a daily basis, in fact my head would explode if I tried. I keep trying and failing.

Lots of sex and lots of dates but nothing solid. I have no idea why. I wish I could secretly interview all these women to find out why am I always used as the boy toy and never a potential partner. And sometimes if we look real closely we might find we have higher expectations for our partners than we do for ourselves! Not saying you in particular, but a lot of people, a lot of the time. But what about many of us Single people that really hate to be Alone?

And i am sure a lot of the other men and women out there would certainly agree with me too. Really meeting the right person is very hard nowadays since the Divorce rate is so out of control now, unlike years ago when many men and women did make their marriage work. But otherwise, single people have no idea what that phrase means. Having spent most of my adult life single i know all the difficulties that come with it. But i firmly believe some people are really better off remaining single for their sake and the sake of those they become involved with.

I always knew i was self-centered but thought i could change when i got married. Not long ago during a fight he told me i was the most selfish person he had ever met. That was quite a blow. While he is no picnic basket he does give to others more than i do. I know i have compassion for the less fortunate but never learned to be a very giving person, or at least it would seem. In any relationship you have to give a lot. Make sure you are ready. You know, it was stated that a bad routine of work and staying in is almost a fault of our own making. My ex lives four states away and only sees our kids every other weekend.

I have no interest in bringing a bunch of men around my kids and as a single mother; I am barely able to keep up with work, a household and all the demands of my children. It means that every other Friday night if I am not working a 6th or 7th day for the week , I am dying to put my feet up with that glass of wine and put the TV on. Not because I am avoiding intimacy, but more because in those moments, I have no demands put on me. So, I ask this question- where and does a person that is genuinely exhausted meet someone else that has just as much on their plate to share this insanity called life with?

I like the idea of being in love and having a relationship, but the theory is different from reality. I think I am lucky to be divorced. Each day that goes by I am stronger being single. I am not alone — I have kids, family, friends… even my ex-wife is a part of my life now, just in a different and limited way. Was she impossible to please? Some say she was pretty demanding and unwilling to compromise… Or was I putting too much effort into the wrong things? Did I just miss the boat entirely? I am going to enjoy this summer, free from what felt like a whole lot of work and frustration only to have an unappreciative audience at the other end of it.

And connecting with the right person for us is very Difficult for us right now, especially for us Good men looking for a Good woman to settle down with. I think that some people want to have ralation but dont know about true contact and what say and how say first time. I think am just ugly. My height has also contributed. Otherwise some of us wish we had them.

I used to be very successful at dating until I was 26, and after that, everything went downhill quickly. Today with almost 31 years old, I have been years without dating, except from maybe a date every 9 months, after which the girl usually wants to know nothing about me anymore. Maybe they are right. With so many very high maintenance women out there these days it certainly makes it very hard for us good single men meeting a good decent one today.

I found this really helpful. I am still lost but mostly because i cant tell which or how many of these are the true cause of my problem. I am only 17 and am by no means dying for a relationship but i was begining to think that there may be smothing wrong with me.

10 things foreign guys do that make Japanese girls fall head over heels

I have always been a little more observant than other kids and when i was in the first grade and girls where already fighting over guys t date i was disgusted. I began to think i was aromantic or asexual and that maye i was better off with just friends. The problem is most people are selfish and self-entitled. Hi, My situation is weird I read some comments who would agree with me. But, nobody shows interest in me the way I wanted — serious relationship! To find someone suitable for you, is to find someone who shares the same things as you not everything, can be a couple of things , wants the same things in life as well.

For the most part why relationships break, is lack of proper communication nagging adds stress to partners , lack of common interests and always giving negative energy. When I find guys, I am looking for common interests, hobbies, views on certain things, something that complements my life and vise versa. The other dating site is way better and more details, 5 categories with percent matches etc.

One more thing, children needs a stay home parent to teach and raise their kids and not strangers, that is why some females are looking for a financially stable men! Yeah I agree with other comments. Sometimes I just sit and think that maybe I will never have a man In my life because I am not attractive,or maybe God wants me to focus on Him. I always wanted someone to compliment my goals and aspirations.

I fall into the category of dating adventagous men. It is amazing that the workforce makes you into someone that must succeed higher than the mom just working to put food on the table or compared to the other single woman whom holds herself as a powerhouse with the boys club. For me being single has been more of a curse than a blessing. I am 26 years old about to 27 next month and I have found that special someone I do see myself with for the rest of my life.

In the beginning we did have something special going but now it has deteriorated due to my lying manipulation and other dumb things I have done to anger her. I grew up being bullied not only at school but at home too. My friend gave me the strength to get away from them for good so I can finally start my adult life. Technically I am single because of the things I have done to hurt my friend and I have to prove to her that I can treat her right. I am in the process of changing my demeanor how I think act and everything so I can prove to her I can be the man she always dreamed of.

By all means I am not looking for any sympathy or people to coddle me. Seriously my parents did enough of that shit to me which made me what I am right now a little pussy. I have found that just I need to get better and change. Lol this is what happens when you wake up in the middle of the night with your mind racing and once you get to rolling, you trip over yourself. I think relationships are give and take nothing is easy in life.

But a miserable relationship is not good once people feel taken for granted the resentment sets in which is the beginning of a downward spiral. This situation can be just as bad for both men and women. I am a man, 38 years old, and alone and probably will be alone for whatever the remainder of my days are. I was married for 16 years and with her 18 years. The separation is just over two years and the divorce is just under a year.