Dear Beloved Stranger

She busied herself with straightening up the house, then lay down on the bed, trying to concentrate on the new quilting magazine that had just come in the mail. When car headlights shone through her bedroom window that evening, Kate hurried to the door in a flood of mingled dread and relief.

Michael dropped his bags and planted a hungry kiss on her lips. He turned and glanced around the yard. As usual, when he returned home from a trip, Michael was eager to tell her about all his exciting experiences as they unpacked his bags. It was late when they got to bed. In the quiet after Michael fell asleep, Kate realized that there had been no convenient opportunity to talk with him about Danny.

Her eyes were closed, but she was not asleep as she lay perfectly still on the bed beside Michael. She heard the ticking of the grandfather clock in the living room, the far away barking of a dog, a car passing on the street outside. It seemed as if she had been lying in the same position for hours.

She suddenly realized that her hands were clenched, every muscle was rigid and taut, and she was holding her breath. With a deep sigh, she rolled over on her side and tried to relax. But sleep would not come. Every time she started to relax, the terrible, unbelievable truth would jolt her into frozen wakefulness again. She looked over at Michael, sleeping peacefully beside her. How will he be able to handle it? How will he react to Danny?

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Can I take that on top of this constant sorrow? When the pearly light of approaching day began to brighten the window, Kate climbed wearily out of bed. Picking up her Bible from the bedside table, she slowly dragged herself into the living room and curled up in the corner of the couch. Through eyes that felt a hundred years old, she looked at the azaleas exploding in bursts of crimson, cerise, and magenta under the dogwood trees. Spring could no longer awaken her excitement; her soul felt numb and dead.

She turned the pages of her Bible and looked at some of the verses she had highlighted in the past few weeks. I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears Psalm 6: Be merciful to me, O Lord; for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief.

Yes , Kate thought, now I can understand David. I know how he was feeling. She leafed through several more pages and paused at another verse highlighted in yellow. Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again. A few pages further on, she came upon two verses that made her eyes fill with tears. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.

Oh, Father , she wept; You must know how devastating this is.

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Not just to me, but to Danny too. You must feel our sorrow and despair. I cannot understand why this has happened, but I have to believe that You have a way to take care of even this situation. Two weeks passed, and still, Kate had not brought herself to talk to Michael. Every night she lay awake for hours. Fatigue was a constant companion as she struggled through each day. She was having more and more difficulty concentrating, both at work and at home. She had forgotten important appointments, and last week she had run out of gas on the freeway, something that had never happened to her before.

She frequently had the sensation of a heavy weight pressing on her chest, making it difficult to breathe. Still, she somehow managed to hide her distress. Joyce, the nurse, was able to work her in the next afternoon. What seems to be the problem? The sympathetic tone of his inquiry undid Kate. She was just too tired to care what anyone thought. Closing her eyes, she simply let the tears come. Zimmerman said gently, handing Kate a box of tissues. Have you talked to anyone about it yet? Kate looked up at that.

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Zimmerman lowered himself to the round black stool beside the examining table and rested his hands on his knees. You know, according to some estimates, around 10 percent of the population has a homosexual orientation. Among my patients, alone, I know of at least a dozen church families who are affected.

I wish we could be more open and supportive of our members who have this heartache. He stood, then, and pushed the stool out of the way with his foot. As she drove home, Kate thought about her promise to tell Michael. In one way, the decision brought relief, but she also dreaded it. When I felt that my world had fallen apart?

Beloved Stranger

My minister husband and I had recently returned home from 15 years as missionaries in Singapore and were both working at the General Conference. How could something like this happen to our family? As a result, I felt compelled to learn everything I could about it. Help Adventist Today celebrate 25 years!

Almost immediately, I was invited to speak at Kinship Kampmeeting.

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I had never heard of this organization until soon after we found out about our son. Good friends, who also worked at the General Conference, came over to visit one evening and told us their daughter, a lesbian another shock , had seen our son at Kampmeeting and told her parents we needed their support. They told us that Kinship offered love and caring to Adventist and former Adventist gays and lesbians, which they did not find in their churches.

I arrived at Kampmeeting in the evening and listened with tears in my eyes to the old hymns of the church being sung with emotion and enthusiasm by mostly male voices. As I told my story about our son, I was touched and amazed to receive standing applause. When one young man asked me to do something for other parents, I decided to start a newsletter. I tried to advertise it in the union papers but was turned down and I began to realize how much hostility there really was in the church.

I kept up that newsletter for nearly 15 years, before starting an online support group and putting up a website, Someone to Talk To. Over those years I talked and listened to hundreds upon hundreds of heart-broken parents share their dismay and fears for their children, and as a natural extension, I learned to know many of their sons and daughters. Literally people from all over the world have contacted me, including quite a few people from outside our church.



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I have found that being open about my story gives others permission to talk to me about their problems. Back then, I was still at the beginning of my journey. The church was basically silent on this subject, although its disapproval seeped through strongly enough that I knew it was something I should be ashamed about. But just a short time later, I learned that Cook had been accused of inappropriate sexual behavior with his counselees.

This, sadly, was never acknowledged by the church, and neither those young men, who had been deeply hurt by this, nor their parents have ever received an apology from the church. In my early days of coping, despite growing media coverage of the issue, there was little acceptance of homosexuality in general society, and I doubted society would change in my lifetime. As for the church admitting this was even a problem among its members, I felt sure that was far in the future, if ever.

Looking back from my vantage point today, I am amazed by the vast change across many cultures and societies. In 29 countries, same-sex marriage is legal today, and several more are considering it. In secular America, there is little to no prejudice toward gays and lesbians, though there continues to be strong prejudice in many religious communities. I would never have dreamed of this much progress.

“My Son, Beloved Stranger” Revisited

And even less would I have dreamed of the progress in our church, though it is really still in the beginning stages. I enjoyed this responsibility for several years and grew to love the special and wonderful members of Kinship. I now realize what a dull, gray place our world would be without the color and imagination of our LGBT friends. In , an advisory group of pastors, church administrators, professors, physicians, editors, etc.

This Kinship Advisory, of which I have been a member until no longer able to travel, has become a group of special friends with whom I have developed a very close bond. Also, in I had a booth at the General Conference in Toronto, and at the ASI Convention in Michigan, to share about my ministry for families and friends of lesbians and gays. Unfortunately, someone complained to the organizers of the ASI Convention about my booth being inappropriate, so I was banned from ASI conventions thereafter.